


"Rainy Days, My little snake" YoneMiwa oneshots

by IwriteDreams



Category: World Trigger
Genre: AUs, Boys In Love, I don't know who would ever want to read this, I swear, I'm innocent, M/M, MiwaYone, OTP Feels, Oops, Probably offended someone with that Autistic chapter, Probably really angsty, Why Did I Write This?, World Trigger - Freeform, Yonemiwa, You Have Been Warned, fight me, help me, smol beans, who is even reading these tags?, worldtrigger
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 17:21:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 31,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7324051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IwriteDreams/pseuds/IwriteDreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yonemiwa oneshots. I take requests!!! I know I'm a terrible author, but I try! Got inspired by the Autistic!Miwa AU, and uh, this happened...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Attempted Independance (Autistic!Miwa)

It wasn't something he would really care for others to know. It wasn't something that he should've left unsaid either. Miwa was stubborn like that though, and true to himself, let it get out of hand. MIwa was one to bottle things up. He has this intense concern that he would be bothering somebody if they knew of his flaws.

Independent, is what you could call it. Attempted independence.

He should've known better though, because it always happened this way. Maybe there was a reason for his introverted nature. He was flawed, and was scared of being so. He was scared of being human. He was scared of everyone turning away from him, so instead, he turned away from everyone.

But there was one person he could never turn away from. Somebody who would take him by the hand, and turn him right back around to face him. Somebody who would never run from anyone, and didn't want anyone to run from him. Over time, the two of them would become closer than ever, but there was once a time were Miwa had still tried to turn away. He remembered it all too well.

It had been a rough day. Not rough for anyone normal, but Miwa wasn't 'normal', now, was he? He had spent half of his school day in the bathroom, locked in a stall, crying. He really wasn't 'normal'.

It had been ages since his last meltdown. Well, not ages at all. 3 days, actually, but his condition had gotten to the point where he would get a small melt down every-other day. Sometimes even more than that, if nobody was around to help. He doubted anyone cared, or that anyone was looking for him. The teachers wouldn't have noticed if they weren't forced to take attendance every day.

Actually, he took that back, they probably did notice his absence, and were rejoicing in it. He knew he was hard to deal with. He knew all too well. He could hear teachers complain about him, subs getting extra pages just on how to manage him. He didn't want to cause any trouble, but that attempt often made it much worse.

Miwa didn't know what the world had come to. Bullies were everywhere. He had always been teased, and picked on, but highschool brought on an onslaught of pain.

Especially today.

Miwa could recall that day vividly. The day everyone learned he worked for Border. The day he assembled the Miwa squad. He could hear the jeers at him now. "Miwa, yes?" The substitute had been saying. "Yes... Well, I heard a whole lot about you from your teacher. You're an especially unique child, aren't you?"

Miwa's heart dropped.

"I have to dismiss you early, correct?" Miwa was nervous. His pockets lacking of a stim toy. "Shit." His teachers had always kept his secret. They dismissed him early for fabricated 'health' reasons, and respected his privacy. The substitute hadn't been aware. Too late now.

"I do admire the work of Border agents so much! And you of all people, an Autistic agent! You are somebody to admire! I will dismiss you early so you can report to base, you're almost an A-Rank I hear!"

He had bolted out the door.

He locked himself away, and nobody came to look for him for two hours. He sat in his stall, and cried. Nobody, no one, nothing.

Nobody came looking until lunch.

Yosuke.

Yosuke found him halfway through the lunch period, making Miwa feel even worse, because evidently Yosuke had been looking for him the whole time, and Miwa never meant to cause any trouble. The moment he heard crying, Yosuke knew who it was.

The story, then, became slightly hazy. Whether that was because Miwa always felt bad about that particular moment, and tried to forget it, or whether it was because he was rather light headed at the moment, he wasn't quite sure. He was able to recall Yosuke calling through the door asking what had happened, and that he had come looking when he was nowhere to be found at lunch. Miwa didn't recall ever replying, hoping that Yosuke would leave him, and go bother with something a little more important. Anything was more important than him.

How long Yosuke begged to come in, Miwa found an elusive fact. With his condition, it's the one bit of information that he couldn't retain. As usual. Eventually, Miwa did remember, Yosuke had eventually kicked the door back... or had he crawled under the stall door? One of the two...

Yosuke had sat with him in a silence. It was a kind gesture, but MIwa wanted Yosuke to go worry about something that held actual importance. Miwa still hadn't said anything, nor would he for the rest of the afternoon, but Yosuke didn't seem to care. He didn't push for any explanation as to why this was happening, he just sat down next to him, and politely kept the silence.

An attempted independence.

That part of the story was meaningless. The bell soon rang, and Miwa would never take the time to properly process said information and memories until most of it had already slipped away. No matter. 

The part he did recall was the jeers that still rung in his ears. After lunch, Yosuke had silently convinced him to come out again. He wasn't entirely sure how Yosuke pulled off such a feat. Actually, he did, but at the moment he had no clue why he was so willing to stick with the optimistic teammate. In any case, he followed him out the doors back into the real world. It only took moments to confirm what he had expected. And he really would have loved to be proven wrong. Yosuke had left him for whatever reason, maybe just temporarily, he couldn't remember. Soon they found him.

The floor rushed up to his knees, scraping. They were grabbing at him, and he felt a foot sharply kick his ribs. He was pushed down to the floor within moments. He didn't even attempt to struggle, he instead tried to count how many there were. Three... Five... Six boys. He was pinned down with ease. No surprise there, they knew all his weak points.

"Border, huh?" one sniggered. As he felt another jab to his ribs. "Who wants to bet you're one of the worst agents out there?"

Miwa yelped as one of the boys stepped on his back, and put all their weight on his spine.

"I can Imagine him running from a neighbor now. 'Mommy! Daddy! The neighbor's gonna get me!'" they laughed at his mocking tone. "Oops, sorry I forgot, your parents have long since abandoned you. Probably didn't want you, nobody would."

Miwa's fingers curled, and something hit his head, causing it to throb, and shaking up his world.

The boys laughed again, heartless and cruel. "Oh I know! You would call for your sister!" one chimed.

"Yeah! Hey dipshit, does that little malfunctional brain of yours make it possible to realize she's dead?"

"Some agent you are! You couldn't save you own goddamn sister!"

"Well, if she was anything like him, then I say, good riddance!" They called again, bruising his arms and legs, pushing down, slamming their boots into his head. What the hell did he ever do to deserve this?

It wasn't the scars they left that hurt, it was the truth in their words. That was what really left it's mark. They were right, he was weak, pathetic, hopeless, alone for the rest of time. He really was better off dead, like they said, wasn't he? He heard it so often, what else could it be, but the truth?

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

A new voice growled overhead. The boys on top of him stopped, Miwa tried to scramble away, but as soon as he did he was kicked again. The foot that hit him, hit his neck. He whimpered and shriveled up. That was his weak spot. It sent a shockwave of tension through him. He wasn't processing thoughts probably. His sister had called it his 'No Touch Zone' for a good reason. Too much information, to many senses. The boy who had just nailed him in the neck, however suddenly stepped away with an -oomph-. He heard a cough above head, and tried to look up.

Yosuke had just punched the larger boy in the jaw, and had knocked out a tooth.

There was a little bit of blood, but the boy was more startled than anything.

"Why don't you get the fuck out of here?"

And so they did.

Yosuke knelt down to Miwa the moment all the weight had disappeared off of him. "What had happened to you?" he whispered aghast, he could now clearly make out bruises and scuff marks.

Miwa's head swam, he had been kicked in the head to much, it might be a concussion. Not the first time that would happen, either, or the last. But rather than caring about whatever Yosuke was saying, in his shock, Miwa was grabbing at his neck. That had really hurt.

"Shuji, I need you to talk to me!" Yosuke finally pushed. "That was insane, what the hell is going on here?! I don't understand!"

Miwa only bowed his head.

"Miwa, please, you need to communicate with me here, I understand you don't want to talk, but this cannot go unsaid! I want you to be safe." Yosuke held out his hand, to help Miwa sit up. His chest was on fire, and his ribs felt fractured. Again, nothing new there. After a huge hesitation, Miwa finally took Yosuke's hand. He was in tears again. Which was ridiculous, who wouldn't be? After he sat up, Yosuke just looked down at him with a desperation for answers. For... Anything.

Some independent person he was.

Yosuke's dark eyes looked at him with expectancy, worry, and... Care. Something he hadn't seen on his behalf in a long time. "What is happening?"

Miwa had two options, both seemed better than the options he had had for the past few days.

He felt an urge to rely on Yosuke, the boy welcomed him with open arms, and it was tempting to fall into them. Maybe he really just needed a hug, somebody to tell him that it's ok. Not that he would be under any obligation to believe it.

Or, he could run.

The second option, was harder to accomplish in his current state of pain, but was the easier thing to do.

So he ran.

Yosuke caught him by the arm, only to have Miwa shake him off, wenching his arm away. He was attempting his independence. And he ran farther and farther away, Yosuke was to startled to put up much of a chase, anyway.

The story could've ended there.

But it didn't.

His memory failed to recall what happened next, only that he wandered aimlessly around the streets for an hour or so. He was hungry, and thirsty, but he never stopped for food or water. He never stopped. His head throbbed for the rest of the day, and his heart pounded, his sides were cracked and the muscles had shifted, making them sore. He couldn't do this. He did remember regretting it though. He remembered walking through the streets, wishing that Yosuke was with him.

How selfish that was. To assume that Yosuke wouldn't mind his presence. Yosuke probably didn't care whether he lived or died, just like the others. He wouldn't blame them. He was hated by everyone, for all the right reasons.

Eventually he headed to the base. Walking there would take some time but he managed to get there early. He hoped he didn't look like a total wreck, because today, he became the captain of his own squad. The Miwa squad.

His anxiety suddenly became very apparent.

He was going to make his team crash and burn.

The boy's words echoed "Who wants to bet you're one of the worst agents out there?!"

They were right.

He was wrong, this was a terrible idea.

He was going to fail, and let everyone down.

Somehow, some time later, Miwa eventually got the papers and headed up to the new operation room. He opened the door, still 30 minutes early, he was hoping for a place to crash for a bit. All alone. 

Yosuke was already waiting for him.

He jumped back when he saw his teammate already there waiting, but Yosuke looked relieved.

"About time you got here."

The others, Kodera and Narasaka were still absent.

"Come here." Yosuke begged, softer this time. "Please?"

Miwa was too startled to do anything else. The door closed behind him and he got closer.

"Before you ask, I got here as soon as you left, I was hoping to find you sooner, but this will have to do." Miwa stood before him, and realized he hadn't said anything to Yosuke all day. He did love the way Yosuke always knew what he wanted, or what he wanted to ask, and answered him before he had to open his mouth. Miwa nodded to show his non-verbal understanding.

"Anyway..." Yosuke's tone of voice dropped heavily. "I... I... I don't know what to say." he frowned, and Miwa flinched. He sounded disappointed. Miwa hated to think that he had failed anyone. When their eyes meet again, Miwa's stomach twisted. Yosuke's eyes were lined with tears. "Why?"

Miwa felt the warmth drain out of him, replaced by an icy tingle. His hairs stood on end. "Why didn't you tell us?"

Shit.

This really was chalking itself up to be one of the worst days of his life.

His teammates knew what was wrong with him.

"Why didn't you tell us you have Autism?"

Miwa almost choked.

...

"Well?"

...

"Miwa?"

...

"Miwa..."

...

"I'm sorry Yosuke..."

...

"About what?"

...

Miwa stared in confusion. "What do you mean, about what? I'm going to ruin this whole thing I-"

"Where am I not allowed to touch?"

"Huh?"

"You heard me, where should I not touch?"

"Uh... My neck and hands... Yosuke, how-"

Yosuke cut Miwa off by hugging him tightly, carefully avoiding the given areas. "Stop hating yourself, right now. I'm not standing for that. Stop taking all the blame, I'm not standing for that, either. Do you need to cry?"

"What?"

"Do you need to cry? Because I am right here, and I can't imagine that a few tears earlier will amount to all that heartache. If you need to, I want you to cry now, because right now, you're not alone."

He wasn't alone.

He nodded slowly, to signal that he did, and Yosuke held him tight as he burst into tears.

He felt more understood than he had in a long time, somebody was looking out for him, for all the right reasons. It was only half an hour, but plenty can happen in thirty minutes.

Yosuke slipped a smooth stone into his hands, a new stim toy to help his anxiety. Yosuke began to call him "Shuji". And in that short time span of time, something else happened.

Miwa, who was going to be alone for the rest of his life, suddenly, had a boyfriend.

Somebody who understood his will to be independent but also understood the importance of having teammates, and friends you could rely on.

They curled up, wiping eyes, and pressing kisses to cheeks until it was time to form a team.

Occasionally, Miwa will go nonverbal, or will have a meltdown, or may stim nervously. With Yosuke by his side now though, maybe there is a chance for things to be better after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh, was that as bad as I made it out to be? Probably. I'm sorry if this sucked. I'm not the most knowledgeable person when it comes to writing these kinds of things. I wanna thank my beta reader, Snail. (I'm sure the majority of you know her, she gets around) and I also want to apologize for this abomination of nature, and good characters. All credit for the amazing characters I ruined with my bad writing go to Diuske senpi, and the AU belonged to the wonderful http://jin-yuichi-tho.tumblr.com/ 
> 
> Thanks for making it this far! I Need to go burn in hell!


	2. Alone on the Roof  (suicidal!Miwa)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, obviously, if you don't want to read an angst bucket fic about Miwa attempting suicide then DON'T READ. 
> 
> I am taking requests!
> 
> Current request underway:
> 
> "Yosuke Your getting hit by a car!"
> 
> Sorry if this is another heavy fic, I'll write something happy, probably, eventually...
> 
> This technniaclly isn't a recignized AU! I just kinda made it for the fic, if you wanna use it, feel free. It's so open, Idc if you give credit. This may not even be the first thing, I've never seen it before, but it could already be a thing... IDK. 
> 
> Sorry about odd updates, this story will really be underway. Updates evry week/ every other week or so... 
> 
> MAYBE.

A rooftop.  
A skyline.  
A ledge.  
A long way to fall.

The first time they were alone on the roof was four and a half months after the first mass invasion.

Yosuke had followed the boy up to the rooftop. They had never met, outside of seeing each other around the halls or simply noting the other in CRank practices, but they weren't C-Rank anymore, they were B-Rank. 

The roof was beautiful, as it always was. He saw the boy hunched over, attempting to control tears. The sky was orange, as the sun had just began to dip behind the trees, hundreds of miles away. Lound stretches of colored clouds, Large silhouetted buildings, lights from street lamps and apartment windows just starting to pop out from the now darkening world around them. More than all of that, however, was the boy. His small sniffles and hunched posture turned this scene of something wonderful and amazing into something rather dreary.

"You may have won this round, HOE, but at least I'm not some whimpy-ass crybaby without a squad."

That jerk's low insult rung in Yosuke's ears. There were sore losers, but that was just fucking cruel. 

Who would do such a thing?

Yosuke had no idea what had REALLY happened, but there must have been some other sour past experience or something, there had to be more to that...

Yosuke, however, just wanted to help the poor kid, his age, and very talented, from suffering in silence, alone. 

"Hey, are you alright?"

It seemed a distant, bland way to start the moment the words passed from his lips, too late now.

The boy looked back at him, visibly surprised by his presence. His flickering red eyes filled with tears. Those eyes... what a warm, pretty color. 

"What do you want?" 

The shakiness of his voice, coupled with the tone of distrust betrayed that he thought he was here to finish what that kid had started. 

"Hey, It's okay... I'm here to make sure you were okay, that kid was being terrible, I wanted to see if I could help you."

"I'm alright. Nothing like this will hurt forever, I can handle it, I don't wish to bother you. You can go, I won't hold it against you."  
"Nonsense, There is no way I'm leaving you now"

He let out something of a growl.

"I'm not leaving." Yosuke insisted stubbornly.

"Fine..." 

'Well, this guy was just a barrel o' laughs, wasn't he?'

The boy sighed. "I don't think I ever caught your name."

"Oh, me? I'm Yosuke, Yosuke Yoneya, It's nice to meet you, even like this. I've seen you in training, you're very talented. What's your name?" 

"I'm, uh, Miwa. Shuuji Miwa..." He said stiffly, not even responding to the complement, or even acknowledging it. This guy was a tough nut, damn.

"Okay then, Shuji, can I do anything to help you?"

Miwa turned to him, aghast. 

...

"You..."

"You just called me by my first name..."

"Oh, shit, sorry! Do you not want me to? I apologize, I'm not all that formal, everybody calls me by my first name and vice-versa, I guess I just thought..."

"Huh? Really? Oh, sorry, it's fine actually it's just that..." Miwa swallowed at a lump in his throat. 

"It's just that.. it's... been a long time since somebody called me that."

"Oh, okay then... shoot, again, I'm sorry for what happened back there, that kid is nothing short of an ass, and not even a good one!"

Miwa smiled slightly at that. 

"Speaking of, Shuji, If it makes you feel any better, I don't have a squad either..." 

"YOU DON'T?" 

"Nope."

"Why not? You've been B-Rank for about as long as I have... and the Azuma squad... they just... you know..."

"Disband?"

"Yeah..."

"About that, I know this won't help, but you all did amazing in rank wars. No matter what squad you end up on Shuji, I know you'll be an undeniably valuable asset."

"As will you."

"Naw, nobody can really put up with me, that's why i'm still a single agent. Maybe one day..." 

Silence greeted his words.

"Thank you Yosuke."

"Huh?"

"Thank you, I really did need that" 

"Oh, Yeah, Don't mention it. We all need a friend sometimes."

"..."

"What did I say?"

"Wait... We're... FRIENDS?"

"Uh, yeah, of course, why shouldn't we be?"

...

"You really are something special, you know that Yoneya?"

"Just call me Yosuke." 

"I'm feeling much better now, but a few minutes would really be appreciated. I won't forget this, I promise."

"Alright, I'll leave for a bit."

"I'll be seeing you around Yosuke, I do apologize for any inconvenience."

So Yosuke Left. The sky, the boy... Shuji Miwa... a name he wouldn't be forgetting...

A new attacker.  
A pair of snipers  
A needed captain  
A new squad to be made.

The second time they were alone on the roof was six days later. Today, Miwa sat on the ledge, legs on the roof, back to the sky.

Yosuke had come up in search of his new, mysterious, quiet friend. 'How much time does he spend up here?' Yosuke had to wonder, smiling, having found him at last. 

Miwa sat, hunched over, slightly defocused. 

"Shuji! There you are, I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"Oh Yoneya, sorry, Yosuke. Why are you looking for me? Can I help you?" 

"Uhh..." Yosuke's face flushed. This suddenly seemed like a hopeless, bad idea. 

"Uh, well... Actually, uh... I was wondering, do you belong to a squad yet?"

Miwa frowned bitterly. "No, no I don't. What are you getting at?"

Yosuke shifted his weight nervously. "Uh... I know it's kind of sudden, but the thing is... I'm trying to assemble a squad of my own... but, uh... I only have two snipers... and, uh, me. And, also, I'm not very fit for leadership roles... so I kinda wanted another attacker... and..."

"And...?"

"WOULDYOUPLEASEBETHECAPTAINOFOURSQUAD?"

...

Silence was the only immediate response he got.

...

"Wait..."

"You want ME to be YOUR Captain?"

"Yes, shoot, sorry, I know it's crazy, and a total downgrade, and a little late, but I thought I would offer... I really would love to have you, but if not, that's fine... a better squad is probably waiting for you... We do have Narusaka! I know he's not an Azuma, ya know, but... still good... I'm not much either, but you-"

"Are you kidding? I would love to!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! That is, if you're sure you want to have me..."

"Of course!"

...

"Thank you Yosuke..."

"What? I'm the one who should be thanking YOU!"

"No, you helped me again. You only ever seem to help me, I'll be looking forward to seeing you more often."

"Still didn't answer my question... how did I Help YOU? You were helping ME!" 

"Oh, just a few bad days, you know? It doesn't matter now."

They left together that day to tell the others. 

A loss.  
A discovery.  
A silence  
A building consequence.

The third time they were alone on the roof was a week and a half later. Today, Miwa sat with his legs dangling over the edge.

"Shuji?" Yosuke called out softly. 

Miwa fliched, just enough to show that he had, indeed, heard him.

"Hey, you should be careful, trion body or otherwise, if you fall, it won't be pretty."

Miwa didn't care. If he fell now, the world wanted him dead, and he would let it be so, all he had to do was deactivate his trigger as he fell. 

The roof's view would be better without him. 

"Shuji?"

Still, Miwa didn't answer. The only response  Yosuke would ever get was the wind, and Miwa's back to him.

"Hey, don't do this to me, I'm here to help." came Yosuke's uneasy voice. His footsteps were the only thing he heard after that. 

He sat by his friend, but he kept his feet on the roof. 

"Shuji, I'm serious, why won't you talk to me?"

...

"Shuji?"

Still nothing.

"Look, please. I assume you know why I'm here."

...

Miwa bowed his head. 

"You do or you don't?"

...

Miwa's jaw clenched.

"Look, I found out, alright? I was going to find out eventually, but this is a conversation we need to have..."

Nothing, still.

"I understand it must be hard for you to talk about it, but it's just you and me, and I'm here to support you, no matter what."

"..."

The silence was getting progressively more forced, intense, repulsive and desperate. Yet, silent it remained.

Yosuke swallowed. This caused for desperate measures. 

Face heating up, he felt a stir in his chest, and his hand found Miwa's. His fingers were cold and stiff against his own. Miwa twitched at the contact. He finally looked at him, slightly red in the face, and wide eyed. 

The only thing he could hear was MIwa's breathing, slightly inconsistent, and a faint car horn in the backdrop.

"I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this go down easier."

...

"I'm here for you..."

...

"Everything will stay between us. It's only me. I don't care what you have to do, I just need you to talk to me, and be safe."

"..."

"Please Shuji, I'm begging you!"

"..."

However, now it became evident who was in control, and who was pinned down. 

Miwa looked more at a loss than refusing. 

"Your not saving yourself any trouble by doing this!"

He flinched.

"Look, okay, Miwa, I need you to start talking NOW." 

He used his last name. 

"Miwa, I-!"

Yosuke saw the tears. 

He saw them rise, then slip down his brilliant red eyes. 

"Shuji?"

"Shit, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you! I just need to help and-"

Miwa hugged him tight, and close. 

Yosuke almost squeaked.

He desperately wrapped his arms around him, as he began to cry into his shoulder. Yosuke was at a loss. He was being held so strongly and needily, that he wondered if Miwa would ever release him. 

Yosuke held him back. He wouldn't even try to replicate the hold Miwa had him in, rather, he just rest a hand on his back, and one on the back of his head, his fingertips falling through black hair. His fingers gripped, ever so slightly, just enough to say he was there.

Miwa shook with every sob, and left trembling ever so slightly in between. Yosuke closed his eyes, frowning as he felt the small tremors. 

"I'm sorry." They whispered.

"It's okay..." Yosuke murmured gently. "It's all okay..."

Silence maintained it's rehinged.

"I know it's too late to mean anything, but I'm sorry..."

"..."

"You're never too late."

"..."

"So, what do we do now...?" He asked, as if expecting a response from the sobbing man in his arms. 

Stranger, was that he got one. 

"I don't care."

"Shuji, let's be done with this now. I hate to see you like this."

This time, he wasn't so lucky. Miwa only cried harder. These tears had been hid away, and denied exit for months too long. 

"Do we tell the others? Do we let them figure it out? They will find out about... her... eventually. Do you want to tell them, or should I?" 

His grip tightened. 

"I don't care."

"Look, I'm sorry that I found out, but it was inevitable, and this isn't something we can afford to ignore, you have to understand!"

More sobbing came from Miwa, head still on his shoulder. 

"I do understand..."

"..."

"I just- hic- I..."

He whimpered pitifully. 

"I can't do it..." Came his voice. It was so caked in heart ache that Yosuke flinched. Still spouting tears, Miwa shifted closer, and further into Yosuke's arms. 

"Shh... That's okay. I'll tell them, then. And you'll never have to mention it to anybody ever again, okay?" 

Miwa nodded. 

"Your getting cold out here, we should go inside."

Yosuke released Miwa, and stood up, shakily. Miwa was still trembling and he regretting letting go almost immediately. Yosuke smiled weakly at him, reaching out a hand to help him to his feet. Miwa took it, fingers twitching, and lamely rose. 

Yosuke now turned to head inside.

"Don't go."

"Huh?"

Miwa grabbed his arm. 

"Don't leave me."

"..."

"I would never."

A rooftop.   
A future.   
A love.  
A mind that wandered out of the loving arms of sanity. 

The fourth time they were alone on the roof. 

"Yosuke!" Jin called out, panicked. "Jin, what's wrong?"

"Future! The Roof! Miwa needs you now!"

Shit. 

He set off at a dead run. 

The had been signs. 

To many. 

Every Time, Miwa denied it, or hid it. 

Yosuke figured it would come to this eventually.

He had rarely left Miwa out of his sight for a while. 

It had started with small scars that peeked out from behind his gym shorts on his inner thighs. 

If you looked hard enough, some began to appear on his usually cover ankles too. 

Soon after, he refused to wear short sleeved shirts. 

You could  see red, scabbed gashes on his wrists if you caught the right angle. 

Miwa had long scene lost interest in almost everything. 

He had been lazy, and unmotivated or weeks. 

Miwa's poorly concealed self harm, self hate, depression, self deprecation...

Yosuke counted off the hundreds of things he wanted to help Miwa with as he flew up the steps to the roof. 

WAS HE?

WAS HE TOO...?

WAS HE TOO LATE?

5 steps. 

4...

3...

2...

1...

"Shuji!"

Just barely. 

"Shuji!" He cried out again. 

"Yosuke?"

He was barely understandable beneath tears. 

He stood on the edge. 

Prepared to jump.

"Shuji! NO!" 

Yosuke, too was in tears. 

This wasn't happening. 

"Think about what you're doing!"

"YOU THINK I HAVEN'T!? WHY? WHY SHOULD I STAY HERE? WHY SHOULD I KEEP LIVING ON THIS DAMNED PLANET!?"

"Because we need you!"

"NO YOU DON'T!"

"OF COURSE WE DO! THAT'S WHY I'M HERE FOR YOU RIGHT NOW! WE NEED YOU, WE LOVE YOU!"

"How do I know that?"

"Because look at us now! I am going to do anything in my power to keep you alive! And if you jump, I'm jumping after you!" 

"You wouldn't! Cut the bullshit! I'm not important!"

"Yes YOU ARE! I love you, and I need you, and I cherish you!"

"I only cause trouble for you! You'll be glad I am gone!"

"Never! If you were really trouble, why would I have followed you up here the first time? I didn't know you then, I had no reason to, no obligation, I just wanted you to be okay!"

He stepped closer.

"You don't need me!"

"Why did I ask you to join my squad then? I need you!"

"I'm not your friend!"

"I was always your friend!"

"You don'T CARE!" 

"But I do! I came up here and cried with you about your loss, remember that?"

"You don't love me!"

"SHUJ-"

"I..."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUJI!"

"What?"

"I'm IN love with you, damn it!"

"..."

"I love you so much! It can't end like this!"

"..."

"Please!"

"..."

Yosuke was edging his way closer.

"I need you!"

"..."

Almost there...

Miwa cried. 

"Step down!"

Miwa fell backwards.

 

"No!"

Yosuke reached out a hand, and grabbed Miwa's.

Pulling it towards him. 

Thank the gods he was in a trion body. 

Thank the gods he caught his hand. 

Miwa didn't fall back. 

He fell forwards. 

So barely.

"No..."

It's okay...

Miwa touched the ground.

Yosuke wrapped Miwa in a hug. 

"You're not leaving my sight again damn it."

"Why are you mocking me?"

"What?"

"You couldn't love me."

 

Narusaka and Kodrea tripped up the steps. 

"Miwa!"

They were just in time to see the two of them kiss. 

 

They never were late, were they?


	3. "Truth? I love you, this is mayhem!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This is as close to smut as I will ever come!!! Nothing THAT explicit, but some more dirty stuff... you've been warned.

Miwa shuttered. Who decided this was a good idea again?

All the A-ranks had gotten together and organized a lock in party at Border as a celebration after the away mission to Aftokrator.It was 7 years after the first invasion, and finnally saving everybody was a long time coming. It was a miricale half of those people were alive.

Kido had rejected the idea, but they knew that at this rate, nobody was going to stop them. Miwa, personally, would have been just fine obliging to Kido's will, but it nothing really ever happened in a straightforward manner at Border.

Miwa wasn't entirely sure who came up with the idea in the first place, but Yosuke had dragged him along. If they were together, what could go wrong, right?

A lot. A lot of things went wrong.

It was all so hectic, the majority of the evening became a blur. Every A-ranked agent, including all of Tamakoma, were spending the night. There was pizza, movies, battles, screaming, rough play, and regret all around.

Miwa was feeling anxious as more and more agents had come up to him to try to socialize. He was almost suffocating when Yosuke found him at last, in a corner, racing to his side, and enveloped him in a large hug. He did, however, hang on a little too long.

"Yosuke, are you okay? Please tell me you're not drunk..."

"I'm not, you just seemed down, and I wanted to hug you..."

Miwa gazed at him skeptically. "You sure?"

"There are no drinks in the building."

"Good."

"Hey, I'm responsible!"

"Define 'responsible'"

"Ouch..."

Miwa just sighed. He was grateful that nothing on that front would go arie, but at the same time he remembered something... Yosuke getting slightly tipsy at a small club a few weeks ago. He had taken Miwa onto the dancefloor and slow-danced with him, giggling and smiling, his grip slightly clumsy, slurring his words a little, and looking him in the eye with joy. That was one of Miwa's favorite memories now. Not that he would ever say that. He wanted this to be slightly tame.

Miwa, to accommodate, reached out for Yosuke's hand. He never wanted others to know they were together, but when Yosuke was right there, within his reach, and when he knew the names of every single person here, it didn't matter as much. Yosuke would protect him.

"Hey there babe..."

He took it back, if Yosuke would say stuff like that, he did care.

"Anyways, I heard that Midorikawa and Yuma are going to be hosting a couples truth or dare in the Kasukabe squad room, I think we should go..."

"What!?"

"Oh, come on, it'll be fun!" He grinned. There wasn’t much he could do to turn down a face like that.

"That's right... Midorikawa started dating the neighbor kid..." He scowled, to which Yosuke had to object.

"Hey, I know you don't like him, but Yuma is a nice guy... It's all okay, right?"

"I suppose..." Miwa frowned. "If it will make you happy... Just, stay close to me, please?"

Yosuke smiled. "I'd never leave you. Not for the world... You know that..."

"Besides, I have a good feeling about this, I'm hoping we'll both have a little fun..."

"I guess..."

"Hey, you look pretty stressed out, at least there will be less people there..."

He nodded. Yosuke could read him with ease like that. He was getting crammed, and slightly uncomfortable here.

"Come on!" Yosuke cheerfully bade him, pulling him forward by their clasped hands. "We should head over now..."

Miwa admitted to himself how nice it was to get out of the bustling lobby, and into the abandoned hallways, Yosuke by his side. He allowed himself to relax as they began the long trek to the Kasukabe squad room.

Miwa was thankful that Yosuke knew his way, thanks to Midorikawa, because Miwa had only been there once, and the specific operation room was deep in the labyrinth of hallways. Their footsteps rang throughout the halls, bouncing off the identical walls.

"I'm sorry I took a while to find you... I didn't mean to leave you in such a crowd." 

"It's okay..." He said quietly. "I shouldn't need help."

"Shuji..." came his agitated voice.

"I shouldn't!"

"But you do, and it's okay!"

"You worry too much..."

"I love you to, babe..."

Yosuke suddenly wrapped his arms around his waist. Miwa smiled. He knew what was coming. Yosuke was predictable in that way... such a nice way.

"Well, here we are... we have a few minutes privacy... right?" He asked, sounding casual, but Miwa heard the mischievous undertone of his voice. "Whadda say...?"

Miwa sighed. "You never miss an opportunity, do you?"

"Well, you would know, right?"

Miwa tried to act tired of it, but they both knew that the two of them loved it.

"What are you waiting for?" Miwa asked, giving Yosuke confirmation that he wanted to. "There's virtually no stopping you now."

Yosuke pulled Miwa in for a deep kiss. No matter what context, Yosuke always had to have a little fun when it was just the two of them. Their eyes fluttering closed Miwa caught his breath, as the air in their lungs pressed up to their hearts, adding a weighed feeling. Yosuke's hands explored for a moment, before it found that perfect spot on his hips, where his fingers bend around his curvature, from all the right angles, as he began to press his lips into Miwa's more firmly. Yosuke shifted his weight foot to foot, rocking the two of them slightly, back and forth, as Miwa grabbed at his partner's broad shoulders.

It was compact, and Miwa felt Yosuke's lips moving along with his own, coming together and apart with grace, and it felt just as nice as it had the first time they had kissed. Reaching upwards, Miwa was able to pull out Yosuke's headband. Yosuke stopped their swaying for a moment, and Miwa knew he didn't expect that, but as his hair began to fall out of place, Miwa earnestly gabbed at the strands, letting his fingers get caught up in his soft hair. Yosuke pulled him in even closer, no space inbetween them, chest to chest, Miwa felt his heart beating against his own.

Yosuke eventually pressed his tongue to his lips, softening the spot his tongue brushed up against. Miwa parted his lips, letting Yosuke to enter with reckless, bold action. Yosuke left a sharp, clear tang in his mouth, as his tongue was dripping with drool, and was reaching as far as possible. The world to them was nothing beyond that little, conjoined compartment. It was coarse, and sloppy, but Miwa loved that about Yosuke. His grip was tightening, and Miwa felt haze cross his mind. His tongue was so slick, thick, and hot, as it took it's time coaxing out his own, more shy tongue. Yosuke did so by swiping, and practically tickling his own tounge with the tip of his, it's base moist with saliva. It brushed against his sides, circling inside his mouth, letting him know it was okay to be experimental with this. Finally, Miwa allowed his tongue to stray a little, as his rubbed back along Yosuke, before being beckoned out from his own mouth, and into the others. Then, he felt Yosuke began to push him backwards by the hips, he submissively stepped backwards. His back hit the wall, and Yosuke took no time in getting a better grip, pressing him to the flat behind him, and pressing up to him. Miwa was quickly running out of breath, and as Yosuke was shoved up against him, he took a moment to dismiss the hard lump he felt growing between his legs.

A lump of shame, really, but he couldn't help it.

After a moment more, Yosuke broke away, leaving both gasping for air, saliva dripping from the corners of their mouths. Still keeping him effectively pinned to the wall beneath him, his hands keeping direct control over his body.

"Damn..." Yosuke uttered. "You will never stop being this hot, will you?"

"You're... pretty hot yourself..." He panted, pathetically, his face red. "You really do milk every opportunity you can get your hands on, don't you?"

"Damn straight..." He growled, looking at him, with a gleam in his darkened eyes.

Miwa yelped as Yosuke's hand suddenly found his erection. "Speaking of getting my hands on... look at you, all hard for me..." He grinned, mockingly. "H-Hey, stop that-"

Yosuke squeezed him, as hard as he could. Miwa began to gasp as his breathing hitched. He couldn't force out any words as he only tightened more. "Damn it..."

"Awe, look... I do get you heated... wow, that's an accomplishment..." He whispered. Miwa felt himself heat up a few degrees. This wasn't going the direction he intended, or wanted. Yet, Yosuke wasn’t going to stop there.

Yet, all he managed to choke out was a large whimper as Yosuke's fingers started to rub him a little bit. His fingers digging into him. He wanted this so badly, but he had common sense.

"Yosuke! Stop it! We're not alone here!"

Yosuke took in Miwa's desperate expression as he rubbed for a moment longer, before giving up.

"Fine... But I'm taking this as a complement... but you're right... we are in public... for now." He did stop rubbing him, but his hand lingered, palm pressing up to it.

"You touching it isn't going to help..." Miwa frowned, trying to calm himself. "Maybe we can ignore that?" He tried to not make a big deal out of it, but internally, he cursed at himself for every doing such a thing.

"But it's really cute!"

"Yeah... 'Cute' is the word for it..."

"Oh, shut up and give me a round two..."

And with that, Yosuke had his lips pressed into him once more.

...

"Well, that's not what I expected to see..." Narasaka frowned, as he looked upon the two of them in shock, looking around the wall.

"Shh, they'll hear us..." Touma whispered. "Come on, let's leave them to it, we can take the long way to the Kasukabe squad room."

"Fine by me..." He said, trying to wipe the image from memory.

"Well, I would hope so..."

...

“I had no idea your squad mates were such love birds…”

“Well, usually they don’t do anything in front of me and Kodrea…”

“Do you think Kodrea will bring Usami?”

“I doubt it… They’re probably off somewhere doing homework or something… one track mind, the both of them…”

“Well, they aren’t the only ones…”

“Shut it.”

...

"Midorikawa?" Izumi smiled as he hammered on the door to the squad room.

"I brought Satori, and the others are on their way!"

"Great!" Came his muffled voice.

"What are you!?- oh." Izumi stopped as the door opened.

Yuma smiled, giving a duck face. And Midorikawa smiled. "Come on in you guys!"

Izumi gave Satori a smile. "This'll be fun!"

"I guess..." Satori offered weakly, nervous about the whole idea.

"Oh, come on, you trust me, don't you?"

"Yeah, I mean, I guess..."

"Then come on in!"

Izumi offered a hand, which Satori took, fingers entwining. "Yeah... fun."

...

"Are we really doing this?" Kikuchihara asked.

"I don't see why not." Kazama huffed, as he strode towards the operation room. "Your anxiety is acting up, and maybe a more organized, small group will help you, because that insane mob back their was ridiculous, and I don't want you hiding for the rest of the party."

"UG, I really hate you sometimes, you know that?"

"Snuggling in an abandon corner won't improve your social skills, besides, maybe it'll help you stomach the fact that nobody cares that we're dating."

Kikuchihara grumbled something foul under his breath, but Kazama paid no mind.

"Look, if you improve your attitude we can go snuggle in an abandon corner AFTERWARDS."

"Fine..." he grumbled.

“But you’d better stick to that promise… I’m not going through with this shit for nothing.”

...

"JIN!" Midorikawa cried happily. "You made it!"

"Well of course I did!" he smiled, rubbing him on the head good naturedly. "How could I miss it?"

Tachikawa stood behind Jin, looking uncomfortable.

"Here, come on in!" Midorikawa ushered them in. "We'll start in a minute!"

...

Eventually agents came trickling in. After Izumi and Satori, and Tachikawa and Jin, Touma and Narasaka found their way, shortly followed by Kazama and Kikuchihara, who nobody expected. Very late, finally Miwa and Yosuke arrived with seconds to spare. Once everyone had sat down on pillows and the lights were dimmed, they were ready to start.

"Looks like that's everybody..." Midorikawa smiled.

"Now, as I'm sure you've all figured out by now, this is a dangerous, dirty, game of truth or dare. Best yet, don't even try to lie, because Yuma has his side effect on at all times, and the door is locked. There is no turning back now."

Kikuchihara flinched, looking at Kazama as if to say "I told you this was a bad idea" But Kazama looked at him with a reassuring smile, and scooted closer to him.

"The rules are just like any game of truth of dare, no backing down, and you work in your designated pairs. Yuma is here to fact check, and if you're caught lying, you'll come clean before we move on. I have truths and dares prepared for you all in advance, so we should all be in the same place... okay, Miwa and Yosuke, scene you were the last to get here, you can go first... I'll start off with easier questions, but we'll get more and more intense as we go on..."

"So, Truth or dare...?"

Miwa squirmed. Why them first?

"Dare." Yosuke said firmly.

"Wait, Yosuke!"

"Okay, I dare you two to do something you would only do in private."

"Oh."

...

Well, shit.

"Shuji?"

The flushed. This could be worse...

Slowly, Miwa finally crawled into Yosuke's lap.

The circle collectively exhaled.

Yosuke wrapped his arms confidently around his waist from behind, and kissed the back of his ear.

"See? This isn't so bad... More of an excuse than anything..."

Miwa blushed slightly. "Something like that..." But he felt everybody's rock hard gaze boring into him, and he slouched back Into Yosuke. This wasn't going to go well, was it?

"Alright then..." Midorikawa covered for them, he had clearly been expecting more, but he seemed satisfied enough. "Moving on, Kikuchihara and Kazama... Truth or dare?"

"... truth?"

"Okay, truth then..." He nodded. "Oh! What has been the biggest step in your relationship thus far?"

Kikuchihara stiffened. "I hate you."

"So...?"

"Kazama..." Kikuchihara huffed, his face reddening. "I'm not telling."

"Well... I uh," Kazama didn't look to keen on saying either. "Can we really not pass?"

"Nope! And you're making a bigger deal by playing this game..."

Kazama sighed, and held Kikuchihara's hand. "Fine..."

"I, uh..." Kazama was pretty red now too. "I took his virginity..."

...

"Woah there..." Touma grinned. "For real?"

Kikuchihara hid behind his hands. Did they really have to be asked that already? And it got worse?

Kazama put his hand around his waist, and kissed his cheek. "There... that wasn't so bad... was it?"

Kikuchihara groaned, mortified.

"Yes it was..."

Jin grinned. "I knew it already, but hot damn, I didn't think they were going to confess it so quick... I had some doubts, but they're pretty damn cute..."

Midorikawa looked shocked, and Kikuchihara heard Kuga whisper "I'm not fact-checking that..."

"That's fair..." came Midorikawa's response. "We'll just pray that it's a lie..."

MIdorikawa coughed.

"Anyway... Jin, Tachikawa, Truth or dare?"

"Da-"

"Truth... trust me babe, a dare won't go in our favor."

"What he said." Tachikawa agreed.

"How do you use your side effect during sex?"

Jin smiled. "I put in my contacts so that I don't see the future, because I'm not directly seeing Tachikawa. It's more fun that way... "

"I'm always trying to overturn it with witty pickup lines."

"You mean the worst pickup lines ever?"

"... No."

"..."

"Okay, maybe..."

"..."

"Yes."

"Goddamn it..."

The surrounding agents laughed quietly.

Yosuke felt Miwa slacken his grip and lean back, and he smiled.

"Okay, Satori and Izumi, truth or dare?"

Satori shrunk down a little. "I'm a little nervous..." He whispered.

"It's okay... hey Midorikawa, could I take the truth for the both of us?"

Satori blushed as he heard a small "Aw..." from Yosuke, but it was quiet, so he may have been imagining things.

"I see no problem with that... truth?"

"Sure."

"List off all the things you want from Satori, ever. Don't bother lying!"

Izumi felt the blood rush up to his face.

"Ah."

Kikuchihara leaned on Kazama, whispering in his ear "This is going to be good, I can tell... His heart rate practically doubled."

"You can hear it from here?"

"Yeah, it's almost as loud as yours was during our turn, and he's on the other side of the room. His is much faster than yours too."

"Damn, 'the fuck is he hiding?"

"Wait, lemme get this straight, nothing that was said in the room leaves this room, right?"

"Right." Kuga and Midorikawa nodded at the same time.

"Well, I want everything out of him... I want... kissing and cuddling... I want hugs and lightweight conversations. I want to have heart to hearts with him... and exactly what you'd expect..." he said, carefully.

Satori grabbed his arm, and buried his face in his shoulder.

"Is that it?"

"Yup... about it."

"That's a lie." Kikuchihara and Yuma said at the same time.

"Oh, well, of course... I would like him..." He gulped.

"In my bed..."

"Is that all?"

"What do you think?"

"What else Izumi?"

Izumi shifted. "NOTHING!"

"That's a pretty desperate lie, Izumi..." Kuga said, not blinking an eye. "You're hiding something big..."

"No I'm not!"

"What is it Izumi...?" Satori asked softly, tugging at his sleeve gently. "I know you, and I'll have an open mind. I'm okay with anything, I'd like to know..."

"You haven't even told Satori about-" Jin began, before Tachikawa slapped a hand over his mouth. "DON'T SPOIL IT!"

"He's panicking..." Kikuchihara whispered.

"I... uh... well, it's not like it matters... really, it's not that interesting... private though..."

"Izumin..." Midorikawa grinned. "You know there is no way around it~"

"OKay FINE!"

Satori gripped his arm harder. "It's okay... calm down..."

"Satori... I..." He was blushing like crazy.

"I want to stay with you forever..."

...

His voice had came in meek and shriveled.

"Are you satisfied?"

However, he would never get the answer to that question,

"Oh, Izumi..." Satori smiled, as a little shock passed.

"That's so sweet!"

"There's more."

Izumi stuttered.

"Was that confession not enough for you people?"

"You're hiding something else."

"N-no!"

Satori nuzzled his face into him.

"Come on, it can't be that bad..."

"Yes it is!"

"Babe..."

"I'm leaving!"

Kuga smiled.

"'Can't, door's locked."

"Baby... I would like to know..."

Izumi sat down frustrated.

"Fine."

"So...?"

Izumi's face was beyond red...

"I..." He almost choked.

"..."

He seemed to be having difficulty speaking.

"I want to start a family with you..."

A hush fell over the room.

…

It took a moment for Satori to really process that.

"Izumi...?"

"Their. There you have it. I want to adopt children and stay with you until the end."

"Izumi... I-"

"I'm sorry. You're just so sweet, and perfect... I just can't..."

Satori looked him in the eye, face as bright as can be, before Izumi couldn't contain it any longer.

Izumi's hands flashed out and pulled Satori in for a long kiss.

Satori's eyes were wide as Izumi roughly straddled him.

Eventually the two sank into it and small cheers rang through the small room.

Then Izumi could be seen shoving his tongue into Satori's mouth.

The reaction changed.

Jin let out a low whistle, and Tachikawa watched in surprize as his teammate grabbed at Satori's Border jacket needily, Pushing him backwards, yet holding him up. Kikuchihara covered Kazama's eyes, and whispered a small "Babe, you don't need to see this." Touma let out a small "Hot damn..." and Narasaka looked at him, accusingly. Yosuke just smiled, and placed a hand on Miwa's stomach, and felt Miwa's deep breathing.

Satori fell to the ground, and still adjoined, Izumi was atop him. Suddenly it was awkward.

The Izumi began to paw desperately at Satori's crotch.

"Woah! Stop that you two!" Midorikawa called. "This isn't the time for that."

The two broke apart, and Izumi looked as if he was more embarrassed about confessing his feelings than almost undressing Satori before a room of people.

They peeled away, Satori looked embarrassed, but Izumi just grabbed him by the waist, and whispered something into his ear that only the two of them, and Kikuchihara heard.

"No regrets..."

"Let's not continue this pattern..." Midorikawa said, frowning.

"Anyways... Touma and Narasaka, you're up... truth or dare?"

"Truth..." Narasaka said. He wasn’t taking his chances after what Jin just said.

"Good, okay, so I think that almost everybody's wondering, how did you two get together?"

Narasaka scoffed.

"How indeed..."

Touma smiled. "Oh, there's a story there...."

Narasaka sighed. "It started because Touma had skipped the most important sniper meeting of the year. So, naturally, afterwards I go to find him."

Touma smiled. "I remember it like it was yesterday..."

"I find him in his squad room, alone. He wasn't doing anything important, he had just skipped, but once I got there, suddenly I just... couldn't be mad at him."

Touma smiled. "Best sniper meet skip ever."

"Shut up! You still should've come!" Narasaka snapped, but looking like he really didn't mean it.

"Well, we end up talking for an hour, before I finally remember that I went their to call him out, and when I do, Touma tells me that hanging out was worth it, and was better than any sniper meet. Then, I ask him what I could do to actually do to get him to come."

"I shrug, and I tell him that I might if he dares me too."

"I dare him too, then he says that I'm not allowed to dare him until he dares me to do something."

"He asks, and I dare him to kiss me..."

"So, uh, I end up kissing him... and, uh..."

"He kisses back..."

"That's it?"

"That's it... It was nice, so I decided to not question it... and He, uh, Touma kept going..."

"And there you have it..."

Midorikawa smiled. "Awe, thank you for that... Yuma?"

"Completely honest."

"Good, that's how we like it. Anyways... Yosuke, Miwa it's back to you... truth or-"

Yosuke held up his hand. Arms still glued to his partner's waist.

"Shh, Uh, I think Shuji fell asleep..."

"Wait, really?" Midorikawa smiled.

"Yeah... like I said, he's a sucker for physical affection..."

The room fell quiet, and sure enough, Miwa didn't open his eyes. He breathed slowly, and tucked in to Yosuke's arms. He leaned back, and Yosuke let his head fall forwards, burying himself Into Miwa. His hand hadn't moved, and was still feeling his breath... it was comforting in some strange way. He kissed Miwa on the top of his head, lips lingering.

Kikuchihara and Kazama giggled, Kikuchihara had known he was asleep from the moment his eyes shut, but the was just something about seeing the most irritable, bitter, serious agent out there falling asleep in his boyfriends’ arms that made the two of them laugh.

Little 'Awe...'s could be heard from Izumi and Satori, still semi-cuddling themselves. Touma smiled, and Narasaka shook his head, before he looked at Yosuke and said, "You really are the one for him... There is not a single person on the planet, other than you, that he would've done this for..."

"You corny mother fucker..." Touma smiled.

Midorikawa still grinned. "In that case, why don't you tell us about Miwa when he's like this..."

Yosuke nodded. "Sure, but don't tell Shuji I said half of this, he's pretty shy about the whole thing..."

Midorikawa nodded. "Sure."

"I'm actually very thankful he's getting some rest... he hasn't slept well in three days..." Yosuke frowned.

"So, everybody won't tell?"

There were quiets "Yes"'s from all around.

"Well, the thing is... Miwa has terrible night terrors." Yosuke admitted.

Jin shifted back closer to Tachikawa.

"We would know what's that's like..." He whispered.

Tachikawa nodded. "That we would..."

"And yes, I know how weird it may sound... But I've moved in with him... I think living alone only made it worse for him."

"He lives alone?" Izumi asked, dumbfounded.

"Yes, he did..."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I had no idea..."

"Well, even if he doesn't say it out loud, I think I help him by being there to fill the silence. And, uh... I mean, we also sleep together..."

The atmosphere suddenly got very uncomfortable.

"N-not like that! I just... I... We just... cuddle and fall asleep, it's not creepy!"

"Whatever you say Yosuke..." Yuma smiled deviously.

"H-hey! You know I'm not lying!"

"Oh, you're no fun..." He pouted.

"I just... I always want to be there for him... In case he wakes up... ... screaming..."

"Oh... so he hasn't slept well in three days?"

"No..."

"Oh... I'm sorry..."

"It's okay... Shuji is okay... he just... needs some help... and maybe a hug.

"Anyway, does that suffice? I moved in with him, that seems interesting enough..."

"How 'bout a little more about Miwa... we're all pretty curious how you tamed him..."

"Well, what is there to tell? I love him, and he likes me... he's a sucker for physical affection, as mentioned earlier, and he loves it when I take out my headband, and he is putty in my hands when I pet his head. He'll crawl into my lap and fall asleep. He's like a cat almost, and he's mine, and I love him, so, so much."

"Okay, that's sufficient." Midorikawa said, smiling.

"Pretty damn cute..."

"Oh yeah..." Yosuke nodded. "You bet he is."

"Anyway, let's move on before Narasaka stars crying." Touma said, patting his boyfriend on the back. "Hold it together there, buddy."

"I'm not crying! I'm just glad that Miwa finally has somebody like you, Yosuke."

Yosuke smiled.

"I'm glad I have him too..." And with that, he rest his head upon his partner's.

"Yeah, alright, we'll try to keep the volume down for a while... anyway, Kikuchihara and Kazama, truth or dare?"

"Truth?" Kikuchihara was weary after their first turn.

"Okay, Kikuchihara, what do you love to use your side effect for with Kazama?"

Kikuchihara almost shied away again, but Kazama had been right to bring him. He felt less anxious with this group, and more nervous about his answers, and seeing how nobody called them out in the first round really meant that this group could be trusted.

"I, uh, I just love to hear him..."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, when I'm frustrated, or scared, or... anxious, hearing him really calms me down. I can hear his heartbeat from a good distance, and it's relaxing... and when he's in the same room, I love to hear him breathing, and I-I know that sounds odd, but hearing it... it's repetitive and consistent, and... I don't know... I have a stim toy that he gave me, a nut and bolt to fiddle with, but listening to him, it's like an external stim, almost...It's therapeutic... and... I don't know... I just love hearing him... It lets me know that he's right there... and that he's waiting for me..."

"What else?" Yuma raised an eyebrow.

"I'm getting to it now! I sometimes hear Kazama mutter the cutest shit under his breath, just, you know, when he thinks nobody is around or listing, and I always am..."

"Wait, YOU HEAR ME?!"

"Every single time."

"I-I… FuCK- KIKU! You should've told me!"

"Should I? You would've stopped... You're probably going to stop now... It made me happy..."

Kazama let out a childish pout.

"I hate you..."

"Love you too..."

The group collectively chuckled.

"Okay, Jin, Tachikawa, truth or dare?"

"Dare." Tachikawa responded, firmly.

Midorikawa thought for a moment, before he remembered a certain dare he had planned in advance.

Midorikawa grinned, and reached behind him, and pulled out a box of Pocky from below the pillow on which he sat.

Handing Tachikawa one, he grinned and said "You know what to do..."

Tachikawa stared at it in surprize for a moment, but recollected himself, and confidently took it.

"Damn right I do..."

And in a matter of moments, Jin and Tachikawa were biting their way up the chocolate stick, grinning at one another, before their lips met, and they reached around the other's shoulders as they kissed.

They didn't lose sight of the reality that was in front of them, however, and pulled apart after a few moments, but by the look in their eyes, anybody could tell that the two of them could've gone on for so much longer. Maybe they just didn’t want to anger Midorikawa.

"It only took one try?"

"We've had quite a bit of practice..." Tachikawa grinned. "Wait, come ‘ere.. Jin, you've got some chocolate on your lip... here, I got it."

Jin sat flustered, as Tachikawa pulled him in again, swiping his tongue over Jin's lips, before kissing him roughly again.

"Got it..."

“Okay, Izumin, Satori, truth or dare?”

“Truth…”

“What was your first impression on one another?”

“First impressions?” Izumi looked over, as Satori was practically hiding behind him.

“Well,” Izumi smiled. “I always thought he was pretty cute… but after we did the PR project project, I knew I was more than a little hot for him… and I guess I just… bit the bullet.”

“I was too shy to confess, and I guess I thought he was way out of my league. He was a genius, and was a master mind… he was everything…”

The game continues…

“Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“Okay, Narasaka, Touma, insult one another!”

“You are a lowly, disrespectful, arrogant, idiotic, disgraceful rule breaker!’

“You are an uptight, self entitled, whore, and a teacher’s pet!”

A small grumble came from the corner of the room.

Yosuke smiled, as he felt the man in his clutches started to shift.

“Well, look who’s awake… good morning babe…”

Miwa rubbed his eyes, “Yosuke?”

“Hey there, yes, it’s me… Are you feeling okay?”

Miwa sighed, and Yosuke started to run his fingers through Miwa’s hair, and he was right, Miwa practically sunk into him.

He nodded. “How long was I out?”

“Only a few minutes… not long enough for a dream, I hope?”

“No… I’m sorry, was I muttering or something?”

“No, I’m glad… I’m here for you.”

“Hey Miwa, now was a good time to wake up, it’s your turn!”

“Is it?”

“Truth or dare?”

“Truth?”

“All the names that you have ever called each other?”

Miwa shifted, still not moving, blinking sleep away.

“I’ve only called him… babe… and Sweetie, maybe, once or twice.”

“You Yoyan?”

“Uh…”

“This is going to be a long list.” Miwa warned them.

Yosuke took a deep breath, as if he wanted to list them all in one go, and began counting them off on his fingers.

“Babe, Baby, Sweetie, Sweetheart, Romeo, Love bug, Hunk… as a joke, Lover boy, Marshmallow, Tiger, Foxy, Kitty, Butterscotch, Sunshine, Gorgeous, Cupcake, Darling, My love, Love, Pumpkin, Sugar, Kit-kat, Honey, Cutie Pie…”

Kazama and Kikuchihara snorted with laughter.

“Shut up… Dumplin’, Peanut, Button, Sweet Cheeks... Cuddle bunny… Cookie, Angel… baby cakes…”

Half the room was laughing, and Miwa just sat their in a silent blush.

“And… My little snake…”

“You forgot ‘princess’...”

“Oh yeah… That should be all…”

And the night continued.

It was all a daze, because it was late, and love-making adrenaline wore off, and took energy with it. The rest of the game was patches of a quilt.

Jin saying something about Tachikawa’s “Sugary ass”

Kikuchihara and Kazama admitting Kinks.

Touma smacked Narasaka’s ass at some point…

It became a dull fog of kissing, blushing and laughter before everybody was worn out, and went their separate ways.

Narasaka and Touma went off to sleep on the couch of the Fushima squad room. Narasaka pretended to be grumpy, but they knew better.

Satori and Izumi headed off to the Solo rank wars lounge to crash.

As the two of them snuggled up on a sofa, Satori gentle whispered a soft “I would like to have a little girl… If you wouldn’t mind…” In Izumi’s ear, leaving him to blush softly. Satori buried himself in Izumi’s neck, and Izumi felt breathing down his nape, as he nervously laughed.

“I would too…”

Tachikawa and Jin left to go to the Tachikawa squad room, where they exchanged secrets, and foretellings of the future.

Kazama and Kikuchihara went back to their respective squad room, and when Utagawa asked how it went, Kazama only smiled and said “I didn’t know Kikuchihara was so kinky.”

“What?”

“Sorry, I meant to ask if maybe you could seek refuge somewhere else? Kikuchihara and me would like some privacy…”

“Just for, like, cuddling?”

“Yes, we aren't going to do it in our squad room, we promise…”

And there was Yosuke and Miwa.

Narasaka was gone with Touma, and Kodrea was nowhere to be found, so the two of them got situated on their own couch, blankets and all. Miwa’s eyes were weighed down like sand bags with his embarrassment and accomplishment, and his blinking grew slower.

“See? I told you it was going to be worth it…” Yosuke grinned as he slipped into bed.

Miwa just nodded, and smiled as Yosuke leaned down to kiss his nose.

“You did well, I’m proud of you… that was good for us…”

Miwa’s lips hovered over Yosuke’s neck, his chin atop his head. “You think?”

“I know… I know it was…”

Yosuke hung his arm over Miwa’s back, and pet his hair softly, and Miwa sighed, letting his shoulders relax.

“Now, no more nightmares tonight, Princess... okay? I’m here to protect you, and I want you to know that I will do anything for you. Just remember that you’re safe, and I’m right here when you need me…”

“... truth or dare…?” Miwa asked, on the verge of sleep.

“Truth.”

“How would you describe our evening?”

Yosuke smiled, and pushed Miwa away just enough to take his lips in his own for a little kiss ‘good night’.

“Truth?” he smiled.

“I love you, and that was mayhem…”


	4. Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday MIWA! You adorable, little grumpy gay bean.... <3

It was hard, Yosuke knew. 

Miwa seemed to carry around emotional baggage like luggage. It was always their, overpacked, hated and hefty.

But Yosuke remembered Miwa’s 18th birthday very clearly, and he recalled not seeing Miwa so broken since his sister passed. 

The Tamakoma 2. They were perfection, they were the talk of all Border, they were the ‘heroes’ of everything.

But Miwa, oh, poor Miwa hated them, and Yosuke could see the sunken look in his eyes as he was the last to bail out on the squad. 

The Miwa squad had lost, to a squad made up of, as far as Miwa was considered, A weakling little girl, A powerless, obedient school kid, A neighbor that had intruded and was welcomed, and a neighbor that had invaded, and was STILL welcome. 

The thought of such a squad made MIwa sick to his stomach, and it was so easy for anybody to see how much he had needed a victory. 

Only, they came out the other side crushed, and torn. 

Miwa had appeared, and collapsed down on his mat. 

Yosuke was already waiting for him, standing in the doorway, prepared for the worst. ANd the worst he got. 

It just wasn’t fair. The opponent had a future seer with them, a cannon, a prisoner, and a boy on some hijacked mission for his father. And they were the cities ‘heroes?”

Yosuke liked them, but this wasn’t what he wanted. 

The lights were out. The room was lined in highlights and shadows, tugging at his eyes. Miwa lay stiff and silent, and Yosuke waited for an initiation for solution. 

Yosuke bit his tongue as as lightweight, tingle of dread tumbled down his spine. They had failed. The one time they really needed to pull it off… and they blew it. It was over, and now the real fight began. Ask any fighter, the mental warfield of aftermath was always more taxing than the actual battle.

Miwa sat up slowly, his arm visibly trembling under him, even in the subdued light. He was practically broken. He slumped forwards, and Yosuke could see from where he was standing how hard it was for MIwa to realize what had happened. He was grappling with the reality, before Finally, he burst into tears. 

He buried his face into his scarf, and cowered away. He shook, and he tried to breathe normally, but he was choking for air, despite his efforts. Yosuke calmly sat beside him, and watched him. Miwa was somebody who wouldn’t want anything to touch them, or, if not that, wanted all the physical reassurance on the planet. Miwa still gasped, not really registering his existence, until Yosuke began to calm him. 

Miwa looked up at him, through his tears, in awe as Yosuke began to hum ‘Ode to joy’.

Miwa reached out for his arm, and Yosuke kept humming the song that Miwa’s sister used to sing to him, when he was sad, back when she was still with them. Miwa was hyperventilating, and sobbing hysterically, clutching onto his arm, as he tried to control himself. 

After the first invasion, after the many months it took to coax Miwa back into the real world, Yosuke had a conversation with Miwa about his breakdowns. Miwa hated himself for such things, so as Miwa cried, and as Yosuke tried to get him to smile, Yosuke began to rub circles on his back. Anything to get him to know that it’s okay to cry sometimes, and that the quicker you forgive yourself for it, the faster you’ll heal. 

Miwa tried to talk, to explain himself, but there was no need. Miwa was doing it more for himself, to give himself an excuse for appearing weak like this, but he shouldn't really need one. 

Yosuke knew how hard it was for him, at this moment. 

As Yosuke hit Miwa’s favorite part of the tune, Miwa began to speak in broken sentences that he could almost make out. 

“It was a massacre…” “I was useless…” “I’m a failure.” “I couldn't do it…” “What good am I?” “If they had tried to kill me, I’d be dead…” “When will this be over?”

Yosuke didn’t even try to stop him. He kept going away at the calming tune, and allowed Miwa to get it all out of his system. 

Once Miwa had been consumed by tears again, and couldn’t continued, Yosuke wrapped an arm around him. answered. 

“Yes, it was, but it was going to be anyway… You did everything you could, and to all of us, you are still the best captain in all of Border. Nobody could’ve done it… I doubt the Tachikawa squad could’ve beaten them… And I will always protect you… And it’s over, it’s already over, and It’s okay, and we are all safe…”

He felt his heart pounding, and Miwa clung to him, in thanks, and anguish.

A few minutes, and the snipers came to check on them. Miwa hid his face, and the two got the message that he wanted Yosuke, and only Yosuke, and wanted to hide his tears. 

After a while the tears had subsided, and Miwa just clung to him, breath irregular, and he tried to calm down. Yosuke started humming again, and Miwa seemed to relax faster. 

“Do you want to see the others?”

Miwa shook his head. 

“Do you want me to stay?”

He nodded. 

And so he stayed. 

The snipers came in again to give them the dinner Yosuke had bought for Miwa’s birthday. It was nothing special, just some sushi, but it was the thought that counted. 

Miwa didn’t eat, but he acknowledged the thought Yosuke had put into it, and would have it later. He did so by maintaining the silence. 

When Miwa finally said something, and Yosuke wanted to slap some sense into him. 

“I’m sorry.”

And afterwards, they parted ways. 

X

It was hard for Yosuke. Anybody would know, if they HAD known. 

Which, they didn’t.

Yosuke had anticipation and dread become his shadow. It hung off of his shoes, and struck fear in his heart. It was an ugly, agile demon born of the ever present horror of rejection.

Yosuke didn’t remember being so nerve wracked scene he had to start a squad with Miwa, somebody who was clearly in a different league than him. 

It was Miwa’s 19th birthday. 

The fall streets were outlined in withering trees, shedding off brilliantly colored leaves as a last-ditch effort to honor their beauty. There was a slight fog that hung around them, making it hard to get moving, and flooded the area with a cold wind that nibbled on the tips of noses, and bit down at your toes.

Miwa wore a dark grey sweater, with his red scarf, and casual jeans. His red eyes sweeping his surroundings with a certain tension and distress, and for a moment, Yosuke almost felt bad for inviting him. He knew that large crowds of people really weren’t Miwa’s most favorite thing, but Miwa seemed to slacken as he saw Yosuke walking towards him. 

“Good morning.” Miwa greeted him, politely. Why would always address him so formally, Yosuke thought he may never know.

“Hey! Happy birthday! I’m glad you came…”

“Well, it was for me…”

“Well, yeah, but still!”

Miwa almost giggled, his version of a chuckle was more of a light natured huff. 

“You are so strange…”

Yosuke grinned. If Miwa was smiling, it was a good day.   
Maybe today wouldn’t be so bad. 

Yosuke knew Miwa really loved walks, and so when Yosuke ran out of ideas for things to offer Miwa, he had panicked, and suggested that for the occasion, they should hang out at the local farmers market. It was better than nothing, and scece Yosuke had no idea what he would’ve gotten Miwa anyways, he supposed it was the best he could’ve done.

Yosuke had, for as pathetic as it was, had googled conversation starters, just to try to give himself an edge. Yosuke never did well under pressure, and this very moment was what had thrust him under a bus of stress for the past two months. 

Oh, and his friends had noticed. There hadn’t been a day to gone by in which he hadn’t thought this plan through, scrapping and recreating his ideas… his original plan was nothing like the approach he now took, and he swore that over the past two months he had made some good strategies, but last night, for whatever hellish reason, He couldn’t do his most refined plan yet, (One he had committed too for a week, or at least an eighth of that prep time) and had to change course to an earlier plan. Not only that, he knew he was resorting to just a half decent plan… He knew he had come up with some that would work so much better, but so close to the ‘hour of reckoning’, he couldn’t seem to think of it, so he went with the best plan he could recall. Which didn’t really help him or his sickening feeling of apprehension.

Yosuke was barely hearing what he was saying after a while. His stomach was knotted, and his hands were clammy. His heart pounded, and Yosuke could feel the sharp thudding of it’s every beat. He had to do it… but that didn’t mean it was going to be easy. 

It was a little after 11:00 when the two of them stopped at a quaint little macaron stand. The stand was pink and blue, pastel colors, with the little creamy pastries were arranged in tubes, colors stacked on top of one another, creating a charming and adorable display. They grabbed some assorted bags to go, (Because really, there was no wrong flavor of macarons…) to which Yosuke paid for the both of them, grinning in satisfaction as Miwa offered him another small smile, which light up day, and, in doing so, enlarged the growing shadow that pulled him down the hole of temptation to skip the whole confession. 

They sat down on the edge of the central fountain, and opened one of the little graphic boxes, when Yosuke finally knew he had to stomach his decision and take the plunge now, because his shadow was getting heavy, and he was on the verge of denying it entirely, and he couldn’t let that happen.

The knots he had felt being strung inside of him, were not limited to his innards, he found, but also tied together his voice box and throat, making everything seem impossible. Luckily, Miwa being a quiet one himself, he seemed to take notice of every little slip in body language. 

“Yosuke… what’s the matter?” He asked softly, nearly drowned out by the common chatter about them. “You’ve seemed tense all morning… are you worried about something?”

Miwa did seem to know everything, and all Yosuke could hear was his brain splitting between the positives and negatives, and the quiet babble of the fountain behind them. 

“Ah, uh, not, I’m fine…” Yosuke said, then immediately regretting it, knowing what a fabricated lie that was. 

“Are you sure?” Miwa asked again, disbelieving. “You’re not stressed or anything? You seem upset… If i’m too much trouble I can go home now, no hard feelings.”

“No no! It’s okay…” Yosuke panicked. 

“Actually…” He felt his throat wrap up, constricting. “I, I really need to talk to you about something…”

His heart burned, and his head was echoing his words, and his mind, knowing the gravity of the situation, was capturing every frame of the moment. You know the feeling, where you know this is a moment you’ll remember forever, and every little bit of your brain is just trying to capture everything about these few moments, and preserve them forever? Yosuke’s mind reeled as he tried desperately to stick to his conversation plan, and not come spilling out. 

“Anything you need…” Miwa nodded, kindly, taking the last little bite of a cherry macaron. 

Yosuke felt as if the world was crumbling below him.

“So, Shuji… what if I told you I was gay…?”

Yosuke was slightly cut off as his windpipe narrowed, and he couldn't force those words out.

Their was a slight awkward pause, and The two of them froze. 

Miwa stared up at him quizzically. 

“Yosuke,” Miwa began carefully “We already knew… everybody does… and we still support you, it means nothing to me, it doesn’t change a thing, you’re still you.”

Yosuke nodded. He never said it outright, but he was pretty sure that everybody had known. He wasn’t the best at hiding such things. 

“But Shuji…” Yosuke looked him square in the eye. Miwa looked slightly stunned, and he opened his mouth to speak, so Yosuke could only assume that Miwa could see the fear in his eyes. 

It seemed logical enough. Yosuke was terrified of the next words to slip out of his mouth, but somehow… their they were…

“What if I told you that I was gay for… YOU…?”

…

Silence greeted his words.

He screwed his eyes shut, and suddenly, he couldn’t breathe at all. His heart was pounding so hard that it was at a standstill, and he felt his eyes begin to water as he took his time telling himself that this was happening. He had done it. And he was being rejected. His heart was on the ground, below even his feet, sinking because it was to dense. It was to weighed down with all it’s vain little fantasies about finding love in Miwa, when in reality, it wasn’t meant to be.

He peeked through one eye, and his teeth chattered slightly as there was Miwa… the most handsome man he had ever seen, yet so adorable, and he sat in shock, he too, processing what exactly had been put before him.

Miwa looked up and down him, watching him carefully, as if he was looking at somebody entirely new.

“...”

“First, I would tell you to stop kidding yourself… nobody could ever love me…

 

“Shuji, I-”

“And second, I would kiss you to prove myself to be correct.”

His heart skipped a beat. He couldn't feel it, but he knew it did. He couldn’t even comprehend what Miwa was saying for a moment, before finally, his instincts lead him on.

He grabbed Miwa by his shoulders and pulled him in. Holy hell, he wasn’t prepared for what this was like, and it was worth everything. 

Yosuke let his lips carefully brush up to Miwa’s before putting them into place. It wasn’t anything elaborate or intricate, just… perfection in simplicity. Yosuke’s head and mind agreed, the way his lips fit into the hold, like two puzzle pieces, was a feeling that he could live off of. His lips were soft, and weak… delicate, Yosuke would call them. The fountain bubbled endlessly around them as the people around them looked on in curiosity before heading on their way. 

After a brief moment, Yosuke pulled away.

“You weren't joking?” Miwa’s voice came up horse. 

“Why would I?”

“Well, I’m not good enough for you at all! I’m not pretty, I’m not helpful, or talented…”

Yosuke held up a finger to those oh-so-perfect lips of his. 

“I love you.”

And Miwa had smiled.

X

 

It was hard for Miwa, but with a little help, he had taken leaps and bounds in improving his everyday life. 

All thanks to Yosuke.

Miwa had suddenly been given a solution to every problem, a help for all his worries, an aid for all his wounds...Yosuke...

Miwa didn’t remember being so happy scene his sister passed, and he lived alone, the absence of others had begun to ebb away at him, the same way water could wear through a stone.

It was his 20th birthday.

Yosuke had told him to keep his evening available that night, and so he had, ready for whatever Yosuke had in store for him.

 

Yosuke had come to his door, smiling, with two tickets in hand. Miwa had let him inside, at sat him down on the living room sofa, sitting beside him before he was allowed to explain himself. By which point, Miwa had Yosuke’s arms wrapped around him, and kissing him wherever he could reach, all over. 

It was a little while before Yosuke finally explained where they would be going. 

“To a dark sky park! One’s opening up just out of town! I thought a little stargazing would be nice… you do like astronomy and the likes. You should teach me stuff! I’m not very smart when it comes to space, but I could just stare at the stars of hours…”

Miwa smiled, his shy, rare, little smile. 

“It sounds perfect… Thank you so much!”

“Great! We can go whenever you’d like…”

Miwa blushed slightly. “I made some dinner, and there’s enough for two…”

Yosuke smiled at him back. “I’ll take you up on that…”

Over a steaming dinner, the two of them laughed, and Yosuke commented on how far Miwa had come. How he was acting like his old self, and Miwa thanked him for it. 

“It feels great…” Miwa sighed. “It’s like I… I remember where I belonged…”

“You belong with me.”

After, they drove to the dark sky park. It took an hour to get themselves in, but as they drove, and waited in the line of cars, they joked and talked like their was no tomorrow. 

Yosuke grinned as Miwa complained about learning the same things in his classes that he had learned last year. This was the Suuji he remembered, and though he loved both versions of him, this one was so much more open to him. 

Finally, the car was parked, and Yosuke had lead Miwa up a trail. He had done some research, and he had found what was supposedly the greatest view in the whole park. Thankfully, all the cars that they had waited through were there for an event in the observatory. Miwa held his hand, warm against the chilly grey of the night. 

And as they turned the corner, Yosuke saw Miwa’s jaw drop a little as they looked over a small cliff, a field of perfectly arrayed trees below, stitching into the horizon, as the sky opened up with a billion stars. They were there. There was a small bench on the lip of stone, but before they went anywhere, Yosuke took Miwa’s open mouth in his for a moment, kissing him in that “Look-at-where-we-are-now-” way. Miwa looked at him like he was the center to his universe, and Yosuke knew that Miwa was the center of his. 

Miwa smiled. 

They took their seats, and huddled together. Miwa quietly pointed out the milky way. And he was right, Yosuke could see the milky way. He had never really seen it before. Miwa’s head rest on his shoulder as his boyfriend continued to point out the space oddities. He pointed out the constellation for Luna Falcata, and his own star sign, Cetus. Yosuke stares in awe as Miwa tells him a legend about a whale constellation, and the song that it sang for the gods. They gasp as they see a shooting star, and they admire the moon. A mere sliver in the sky. Miwa tells him about folktales of a turtle that was made fun of by the other animal gods for having no specialty, but when the turtle was mad, he struck the water with it’s tail so force fully, the water splatted the sky to create the stars. There were tales of lions fighting bears, and stories about hummingbirds poking holes in a blanket that the sun had put over the world, to punish the greedy. Finally, Miwa recalled a song. Yosuke had never heard Miwa sing before, and Miwa, being as timid as he was, certainly didn’t seem keen on it, but Yosuke wanted to hear it, and Miwa had nothing to be afraid of. His soft voice was lovely, and the song was charming. 

“Have you ever noticed the old dig dipper, and wonder what it’s dipping all night?...”

Yosuke leaned back. It was so nice to hear Miwa’s voice.

“Well, it’s dipping our piece, and it’s dripping out love, and it’s dipping out a way of life… And if you notice the old big dipper, than you should notice all the others stars too, so take a sit down and take a look around, and wonder just where are you…” His words were so quiet, Yosuke strained to hear him. Miwa was blushing at his ears, and he shook a little bit, but Yosuke loved the song. 

“You’re on a little green speck, on a little blue ball, with the big black sky all around. And you only get one life, on that little blue ball, and that’s the only life that you will ever know…”

X

It was hard back then.

But that was behind them. 

Yosuke had moved in with Miwa a few months ago, and he couldn’t recall a more happy time in his life. If you asked him what the best day of his life was, Yosuke would tell you that ‘today’ was always the best day.

It was Miwa’s 21st birthday. 

Yosuke had woken up, Miwa in his arms, in the bed that they shared. His soft snores made Yosuke feel like the luckiest man alive. He didn’t plan on letting go of this good fortune for a long, long time. 

He gave himself a couple of minutes just to enjoy the feeling of Miwa, his face pressed into his chest, and his arms wrapped around him. Yosuke finally untangled himself from the arms he wished he could’ve spent all day in and got out of bed. He stumbled into the kitchen, half asleep, trying desperately to shake off the daze that clung to him. He opened the freezer and found the bacon he had gotten from the shops the other day, and tried to start breakfast without making to much noise. 

He was leaning over the sizzling hazard, almost falling asleep, when he felt a very familiar pair of arms wrap around him from behind. A head resting on the back of his neck, still shorter than him. 

“Hey Princess…” Yosuke sighed.

“Mm…” Came a muffled reply from behind, Miwa’s breath tickling his nape. 

“Happy birthday…”

Miwa smiled.


	5. Red strings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been sick, and I'm writing this as a last ditch effort to put something out before Nanowritmo... 
> 
> Stay tuned for that??? 
> 
> Also, If for some reason you're reading this, I would love a comment, JUST as reassurance that somebody may actually be reading this, because I feel like nobody really cares at this point....
> 
> Thank you, and enjoy this shitty, self indulged chapter of trash.

It was a long while before Miwa realized what he had the power to do. 

He remembered his third grade teacher telling them about the red string of fate that would connect you and your soulmate.The other boys had scoffed, and rolled their eyes, or wished that their soulmates were platonic, but Miwa had been intrigued.The thought of destiny always lulled him into relaxation, like water lapping at the bay’s edge. Miwa saw the girls smile, and heard them start to gossip, and he felt as if he was the only one listing to the lecture. 

 

Most kids didn’t believe it was real. It was like Santa Claus, or the Tooth fairy, some stupid lie that we tell our children. Miwa knew it was. His older sister could see the strings- He knew, because she had told him so, and she would never lie to him.

Miwa asked what she did with the strings, and she told him that all the strings are different, and that if you wanted to mend a broken heart, not just any string will do. 

She never cut the strings, and would only untie them if the strings were far too different, and if she had some strings that would fit better. She told Miwa how whenever she went out into the world, and found a stranger with a severed string, she would tie the broken end to her wrist and carry it around until she found a similar string, where she tied them together, and hoped for the best. 

She told Miwa that if one day he developed the ability to see the strings, that he must never, ever cut an original string. She said that so many ‘alterers’ have used their ability to set their friends up, that they cut the real strings that were meant to be. 

Miwa was riveted by her stories. Some days, if he had a nightmare, instead of going to his parents, Miwa would go to his sister, and hear her tell her tales of crossing fates. 

One day, he asked who was on the end of his string, to which she said “Somebody you already love… And you’ll find it out in time I’m sure…” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He pouted. “Do I have a platonic soulmate?”

“Their is no such thing as a platonic soulmate… All of them are soulmates, and they are all just as worthy, it’s not as if the friends are less important than lovers. Besides, I think it’s really up to you to decide which road you go down. They're your soulmate.”

Then, he asked who was on the other end of her string, to which she told him “Somebody cut my original string… and the person I’m tied to now was not the soulmate that was meant for me… if I meet them someday, then I’ll probably fall in love, but it is only partial, so I’ll meet him if or when the time is right.”

Years passed.

Miwa’s sister never met her soulmate.

It was cruel that she had to die. She had done the world so much good, and yet, nobody would know it. So Miwa was numb with grief when he suddenly turned around to see strings everywhere.

Now it was his job to help the people realize their fates.

He sees strings of all kinds for years, and understands what they mean. The colors, whites, reds, blues, greens, greys, everything. He knows how to articulate why a string is thin or thick, wooly or silky. And Miwa picks up any loose end he sees, ties it to his wrist, and waits to find a string that is compatible, and once he finds a string to fit just the way he wanted, he prays for his sister, and wonders if she would be proud of him.

But somehow, there was an empty hole in his heart, and applying for Border was the only thing that would even begin to fill it. No matter how you cut it, Miwa was still guilty over his dead sibling, and was always worried that he hadn’t done enough.

He tried. Everyday he went outside for a walk, not only to ease depression but also to continue the never ending hunt the loose ends.

However, Miwa never sought out the end of his own string. 

Miwa had promised on the day his sister died that he would never risk love again.

The only reason he had never cut his string was because he knew his string was original. Therefore, cutting it would be wrong. He wanted, however, to ensure that he never met his soulmate.

When he was at Border, however, he noticed his string was more tight. 

And it moved far more. As if he was walking circles around his partner. 

Miwa never looked down a his finger at Border. 

He simply wouldn’t risk it.

However, as he wandered around Headquarters as a trainee for months, he saw so many unoriginal strings of fate that made him sick, yet there were those who found one another. The cruel agent who was practically at his side when she died was there, and has connected to two people, none of them original. Arashiyama, who he knew from the PR squad and Tachikawa, who was infamous for being probably the dumbest, yet best fighter around.

He saw many soulmates in the halls, on duty, and otherwise. He saw so many friends with tied strings, walking side by side, laughing. 

Once he made B-rank he was taken into a squad by a kindly, almost motherly man named Azuma.

Azuma had an old, worn and woolly blue string tied to his right index finger. He was a shining example of an original string, which had his girlfriend on the other side. It was a little tattered, but it was well cared for. It was the difference between not being taken care of, and being well loved, and Azuma’s string was in a fine condition.

Ninomiya on the other hand had a thin, wiry, stiff black band tied to his left middle finger. His had been severed often, Miwa found. His end was very frayed, but now he was connected to a silent, stoic, and probably depressed woman named Hatohara, and their strings fit very well. 

However, if not for Hatohara, which he was unsure if she was a friendship or love soulmate, Kako would’ve also made a fine fit for him. The only difference in her string and Ninomiya’s was her thickness and texture. Her’s was a more bold strand, with a very velvety appearance, maybe a tad lighter than Ninomiya’s.

However, nothing was ever built to last, and as the months and years pass, the squad became dysfunctional and disbanded. Once again, Ninomiya’s string fell to pieces.

Miwa, having nowhere else to go, tried to start a squad from the scrapped agents he could find. 

The first he picked up was a new and talented sniper named Narasaka. 

He was a stickler for rules, and a very hard worker. He may have been toeing the edge of uptight too, but the two of them got along very well. Miwa was lucky he managed to get him on board, because he really was one of the most talented snipers he had ever seen, and he knew he would only get better with constant practice. If Miwa hadn’t recruited him then, he would’ve been gone by morning.

He had a proper, thick, silky white ribbon on his left pinkie. Miwa could’ve sworn that he had seen the perfect string for him somewhere, but couldn't recall where. Miwa took his saddened cut end, and tied it to his wrist, and promised that they would meet again soon.

The next on their squad was Kodera. He was a more clumsy and bumbling small sniper, but he too, had a wealth of talent and knowledge. Miwa was indifferent about how open Kodera was. Miwa couldn’t imagine what it would be like if somebody tried to bully him. Kodera was so emotionally vulnerable it almost made Miwa turn up his nose, but Kodera approached him before he had the chance to walk away, and told Miwa how much he admired him. Miwa couldn’t turn him down then, so he agreed to letting him join, and promised to himself that he would be there for the sorry idiot the day reality would break him open for being so exposed. 

Kodera had a very thin string, so thin it was as if it wasn’t there, and when you could finally see it, it looked as if it would snap the moment a breeze blew past. It was a deep purple color, crossing the line of indigo, more thread-like than any string he had seen.

It only took a few more meetings when Miwa found that Kodera’s string was an original. And while it was rare, those with thin strings were prone to snapping if their partner couldn’t make up for it, but the more love that grew between soulmates, the thicker the string could get. It was very rare to see such a thin string that had never be detached. And before long, he found the girl to which he was linked, somebody he knew very well.

Shiori Usami, a cousin of one of his childhood friends that he hadn’t seen or spoken to since his sister had died.

Miwa was moved, not only by Usami and Kodera, because Kodera must’ve really had it in for her, what with the way he was acting, but also by her in general. He thought he would never see Yosuke or his family ever again. 

Kodera was a mess when they ran into her, and he sure as hell proved how his string was still holding out. It was so obvious that he cared for her to an incomprehensible extent. However, you could tell by they way they conversed without asking that they were hardly acquaintances. Kodera must think of her everyday to keep the strings held together, knowing how distant the two of them were.

Usami was shocked to see him again, and almost was about to hug him when he raised a hand to stop her. Kodera sheepishly asked how all of her work was going in Tamakoma, to which Miwa flinched at the name of a branch to toothless tractors. She had smiled and told him that since she was the only operator, and that it got stressful at times, but that’s how it went, and that she should be used to it. Miwa could see Kodera fumbling with his words when Usami asked him if he had seen Yosuke yet.

Yosuke Yoneya.

After his sister passed, he thought that he would be out of his life for the rest of time. He had disappeared with no explanation, and was never heard from again. Miwa had always cared about him, and some days he would wonder what he had become. 

“He just got promoted to B-Rank and doesn’t have a squad yet! I’m sure you’ll see him soon! Oh my gosh, he’d be ecstatic to see you after all this time, he’s going to freak when he learns I’ve found you!” She smiled happily. “We all thought that we would never meet again, and Yosuke was so frustrated with that! I know he never said it, but I know that he really misses you… and I know that he thinks of you sometimes…”

Miwa shifted his weight from foot to foot, his way of coping with his rising levels of both discomfort and suspicion. “Is he in Tamakoma?”

She shook her head. “No.. only me… He stops by every once in awhile, though. Yu two should come have dinner with us one night. It gets boring having to see the same people day after day… Oh! I have to run! I need to talk to Kazama, my ‘ol captain about my replacement. I hope I’ll be seeing you two!” And with that, she was off.

He left behind a blushing Kodera and a Miwa who didn't know how to feel about any of this. He made up his mind to decide later. It wasn't exactly vital information for the time being. 

Miwa wanted to help the owner of such a pathetic fate strand behind him.

“You know, I think Usami would love it if you showed up at her office with some sweets, and a new book or two. She really needs a break.” 

“She wouldn’t want to see me…”

“I beg to differ. Besides, you’d love to see her. You should at least try.”

 

It was a week later, and Miwa was sat in their new squad room. There were boxes everywhere as they were moving in equipment, but Narasaka had made tea, so he and Miwa had set down their load and took a moment’s rest.

“You know, I’d still like another attacker for the squad before we partake in any rank wars….” Miwa admitted slowly. 

“I can't carry the whole team when it comes to close combat.”

Narasaka frowned, “Did you not already select somebody?”

“Pardon?”

“Kodera mentioned somebody by the name of ‘Yosuke’...? Was that untrue?”

Miwa froze. 

He opened his mouth, and a few letters slid out before he stopped again, thought through the whole sentence again, and retried.

“I… I have yet to... reconvene with him…”

Narasaka nodded, as if he knew already, and was more curious about the reaction then the answer, and Miwa turned away to have deniability to witnessing his squadmate in such a position of power and slight manipulation.

As he took a sip of tea, he saw his string move. It had almost been right in front of him, but was now heading to the left of him at a rapid pace. He told himself not to look, but suddenly, he panicked.

“Narasaka?” He asked, forcefully tearing his eyes away.

“Mmm?”

“Do you believe in the strings of fate?”

“You mean, the stuff they tell us when we’re children?” He asked, Miwa nodded. 

“Well, I have friends who say that they can see it. I can’t see them lying, but I can’t see magical strings connecting the world either. Personally, I guess I’ve always thought that fate was unplanned, so it shouldn’t be something to worry about anyways. I guess I don’t though, it seems very far fetched.”

Miwa nodded. “Yeah, I can get behind that.”

“Why? Do you?”

“No, I was only curious.”

“Alright then…”

Their was a slight pause before…

“Narasaka…”

“Yes?”

“If you were to have a soulmate, who would you want?”

Narasaka stopped for a moment, a thoughtful halt in action.

After careful consideration he finally said “I think I would want somebody to oppose my views. I can be stubborn, and if I don’t have different people around me, I can’t keep myself in check, and I hit my breaking point by overworking myself or worse. But I need to be able to hold a good relationship with that person too, which is a tall order… I guess I always figured I’d wind up alone.”

Miwa hummed in response. He had remembered where he had seen the similar string.

“Of course, but I’m sure you have a soul mate out there somewhere… You are a very wonderful person.”

Narasaka gave him a concerned look. 

“Uh, thanks…”

Miwa shuttered, and suddenly he caught a glimpse as his string. It was almost to his left. All the way.

His soulmate was so close.

Close to the squad room door. 

Miwa froze up, and his heart pounded. He wanted to hide. He wanted to run. 

He heard footsteps outside. 

That was them. 

He couldn’t move.

He thought of a dead one’s words.

“Somebody you already love.”

Were soulmates so straightforward? Would he automatically fall in love?

That couldn’t happen. 

He wouldn’t let it. He would never let himself be so hurt ever again.

 

Their was a knock on the squad room door.

Miwa’s heart skipped a beat. 

His soulmate was on the other side.

He could feel it. He couldn't budge.

He didn’t have too. 

He didn’t even have the time to tell Narasaka not to answer before he opened it.

And their, standing in the entryway, carrying the other end of his string, was nobody he would’ve expected.

Yosuke Yoneya was his soulmate.

Miwa choked. He had in no way had been accounting for this.

Any of it.

After a moment in shock, he heard Yosuke ask if he was there.

Miwa bit his tongue when Narasaka said “yes”.

His world was suddenly so crystal clear it hurt. 

“Shuji!” 

But suddenly, all his worries drained out of him, and the puddle at his feet evaporated, leaving behind a delicate, giddy feeling.

“Yosuke…” He smiled, and Yosuke helped him off the couch, and wrapped him in a tight hug. 

“I never thought I would see you again!” He cried. “I missed you so much… I can’t believe I found you!”

Miwa’s mind was so overwhelmed, his mental structure was ready to snap, and scatter his ability of comprehension on the floor. 

“Where even were you?” Miwa asked quietly. 

Yosuke let him go, but Miwa found Yosuke’s arms slipping alongside his, grabbing his wrists.

 

“My family moved out of Mikado after the first invasion. They thought it was dangerous, but two years later, we came back, and I’ve been looking for you scene!”

“Oh…” Miwa frowned. “That’s why…”

“We have so much to catch up on! How’s your family?”

“You have no idea…” Miwa said softly. 

He glanced back at Narasaka, who was watching them with a curious, yet intense gaze.

“This actually isn’t the best time…”

“What?” Yosuke stopped, face falling. “But I just found you!”

Miwa looked away. 

“I know, I’m sorry… Could you maybe come by tomorrow? We could maybe… talk over lunch…?”

Yosuke stared at him. “I mean, I guess… I know it was unexpected, but I haven’t seen you in years!”

“I know, I know…” Miwa sighed. “It’s just that…”

“Not now…”

Yosuke looked disappointed, like suddenly everything just broke apart.

“Oh, o-okay then, I’ll see you tomorrow…?”

And Miwa slumped to the floor the moment Yosuke shut the door behind him.

He wasn’t ready to be in love.

 

It was late. 

4:49 AM to be precise. 

Miwa couldn’t sleep.

He tossed and turned, fidgeting, and not being comfortable. 

His thoughts were consumed in desperation, as he lay and idly tried to work up the courage to do something awful. 

He sat and stared at his string, frustrated and disappointed. 

Was this really how it ended?

His own string was red, just like in the textbooks. It had the texture of yarn, but was more thin. His had a habit of getting tangled and knotted up, but he never worried because nothing of the sort would break his string. 

But Miwa couldn’t handle this.

He was crying, and he wished his sister was there with him. If she was there, he could’ve explained the whole thing, and she could’ve justified him, telling him that it was okay, just this once. Yet his room was silent, and Miwa couldn’t put away the notion that maybe she would hate him for this.

And holding his breath, and closing his eyes, Miwa cut his red string of fate.

“Goodbye, Yosuke…”

…

The next morning Miwa woke to a feeling of emptiness. 

He had cut an original string. 

He regretted it sorely, but having Yosuke go about without a soul mate who could afford to return his affection was wrong, and Miwa knew that if the strings had stayed, he would've fallen. 

Today he would’ve fallen in love.

Maybe as a friend, maybe as a lover.

It would’ve been his choice. 

But now, his future was off course. 

He refused to be tempted by an option that he shouldn't have. 

And yet, his heart felt isolated and he felt as if he now saw the world from the outside in. 

He would never find love.

But Miwa remembered his sister, he remembered his parents before his father left, and his mother became ill and passed away. He remembered his old friends, including Yosuke, from before he had all his lifelong hope drained from him. He remembered what it felt like to love.

He missed it. 

He wasn’t heartless. He missed that feeling of love so much. It was more than happiness, it was an entity unto itself. He wanted it back, but his fear, his timidity, he was so scared and alone, so frightened of ever feeling that pain of loss on that scale ever again that he wouldn’t let it happen. He was weak.

He was helpless.

 

He wanted to have a string, he wanted to find love. He wanted to curl into Yosuke’s bare chest every morning in bed, but he wouldn’t allow himself that opportunity. 

Friendship was also out of the question. 

He felt sick, and the blood rushed out of his head. 

He stumbled out of bed, and wanted to die. At least that way he could be with his sister and mother, and would never lose them again. He could love then… but not now.

Miwa wanted to cry again. 

He wanted to so badly.

He also wanted his friend on the other end of the twine that hung loose from his right pinkie.

But we don’t always get what we want, now do we?

 

It was almost noon, and Miwa was tapping his foot nervously. 

He had no connection to him now, so he shouldn't be compelled to take preventive measures to feelings he should no longer have. Besides, Yosuke would never know. Miwa did wonder what he should say, and wondered how well he was going to fare, when confronted with this situation, but most of all he pondered whether or not he had the heart, or the nerves, to tie Yosuke’s end to his wrist and find him a new soulmate. He didn’t think he could.

Narasaka eyed him warily. 

“You seem anxious… are you alright? You kinda shot him down yesterday…”

“I know.”

“Are you worried what he’ll think of you now? He seems to be a… bit of an idiot, I’m sure he’ll let it slide without a second thought, if you two were as close as you say you were.”

Miwa chewed his cheek, feeling the swollen inside corners of his lips. “Yeah…”

“Alright then… if that’s not it, than what is it?”

“You’re more perceptive than you look.”

“Thanks, but that wasn’t an answer.”

“I realise.”

“Fine, play that way, but next time, I am more than willing to help.”

“There won’t be a ‘next time’...”

Their was a sharp tapping on the door, and Miwa caught his breath.

“You’re date is here…” Narasaka said, letting Miwa get the door. 

Miwa felt warmth rush up to his cheeks and nose, and out of everywhere else. 

“Never call it that ever again.”

Narasaka looked up. 

“Did I just hit a nerve there?”

Miwa stopped. Damn it. 

“What?”

“Oh, I totally did… No wonder you were asking about soulmates. I think somebody’s in love…”

“I am not!”

“Yeah yeah, go have a good time on your date.”

“Shut the fuck up before I slice your head off twice you son of a bitch.” he growled, which, in hindsight, probably didn’t help his case.

There was another knock, and Miwa flipped off Narasaka before opening it. 

Yosuke’s expression softened the moment he stepped out the door. 

“Hey there…” he said, gratefully. “I’m glad to see you.”

Miwa was about to say something sour, but found that he was glad too, and he said so. It really was nice to have him around again. 

He didn’t so much as finish his sentence when Yosuke wrapped him in a bone crushing hug. Miwa was about to cry foul, when Yosuke began to tear up, and sniffle a bit.

Miwa suddenly was very overcome with many emotions. Mostly confusion, partially care, part sadness, a good amout was just a feeling of thanks, because they had found one another again.

“I missed you so much…” Yosuke sighed. “I missed you so, so much… you have no idea how much this means to me…”

“I think I do…” Miwa smiled. “I really do… It’s so good to have you back.”

“You aren’t going anywhere, understand?” Yosuke said, Miwa felt the arms around him shift, making him feel even more secure and protected.

“Where would I go?” He asked. Which, Miwa nearly flinched at his own words. Without Yosuke… where was he going?

“I don’t know, and I don’t care.” Yosuke huffed, he shifted his weight to his back foot, letting Miwa lean in closer to him. Miwa had his ear pressed to his chest, and practically unraveled when he could hear his heartbeat, and feel his breath. 

He had cut the strings, had he not?

“I don’t want you to go anywhere without me…”

“So long as you don’t leave me again.” Miwa whispered. 

Yosuke squeezed him, before releasing him, still holding onto his hands. 

“I’m never leaving without you ever again.”

…

“Are you still crying?” Miwa asked, peering over a bowl of ramen. Miwa had felt strangely lightweight as they walked down to the nearby restaurant, and Yosuke’s presence made him feel out of place.

Yosuke, who was rubbing his eyes, knocking his headband askew in the process, shook his head.

“Okay, I’m happy to see you, but I’m not THAT happy. Come on, man!”

“Ouch, okay, I thought we had something…” Miwa said, mocking an offended tone.

“Okay, I AM that happy, I just also have allergies.”

“That’s fair.”

“So… Your sister… actually…” Yosuke looked away. “You know…”

Miwa just nodded, and felt the knife of despair twist in his stomach, making him lose his appetite, and happiness.

“Hey, I know it’s basically meaningless, but I’m sorry… She was beautiful. She really was…”

“It’s not meaningless… I appreciate it, even if it’s late, she would’ve loved to hear you care about her.”

…

 

“Hey, can I ask a very awful question? You don’t have to answer if you don't want, I get it, I just want to know…”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think-” Yosuke raised a finger slightly, before letting it drop back to his side, the atmosphere popping like a balloon. “Nevermind.”

“No, what?”

Yosuke looked away. “No really, it was wrong of me to even think about asking.”

“Yosuke… what do you want? You have a right to ask questions, you knew her well, and you didn’t know this whole time… it’s been three years, I should be able to talk about it now.”

“No, that’s not it I…” He looked fairly guilty before whispering “Would it maybe be alright if I went to her grave with you? To honor her? I really can't believe she’s gone…”

Miwa stopped, frozen in shock at the words he never thought he would hear.

“I-I’m sorry, I knew it was too much… please, give her my condolences the next time you go see her…”

“Actually…” He said, feeling as if the words were coming from elsewhere “I would really love that…”   
Yosuke paused, as if waiting for him to change his mind.

“You won’t mind?” He asked, disbelieving. 

“She would really like that, I feel…” Miwa said, carefully, and thought the atmosphere was dark, he suddenly felt a weight being lifted from his shoulders that he didn’t know he even had.

Yosuke smiled lightly. “Thank you so much… I know I don’t deserve it… I left you alone at the worst time, I mean, I abandoned you, and-”

“There was nothing you could've done…”

“Still, I’m the worst, I can't believe you’re even mildly considering forgiving me…”

 

“I’m not considering it.” Miwa huffed, leaning back in his chair. “I already had forgiven you…”

Yosuke sighed. 

“I knew I wanted you back, but Christ almighty, I forgot how you’re like, the best friend on this planet… I don’t deserve somebody like you…”

Miwa frowned. It had been a long time since he heard anything of that sort. He had become irritable, and aggressive in the past few years… he wasn’t the same person that Yosuke had left before the wreckage. 

For the first time, Miwa felt like his old self again.

He also felt a strange warm feeling pour into him.

Love.

…

Miwa stepped back in his apartment.

The moment he could he puonded his fist to his table, before crashing on his bed in frustration, defeat and misunderstanding..

He had cut the strings in two- then the hell was he still feeling slightly infatuated?

He was very besotted with him, more than he would care to admit.

But why did he let himself fall down this rabbit hole? He should’ve known better than to fall in love. Had he not been avoiding it since he was a child?

He didn’t quite understand what the feeling was doing inside of him. It didn't belong there.

He also forgot how to handle it. 

It had been a long time. 

A very long, sad, dark time. 

Yet, here he was, knowing that he had become emotionally attached to Yosuke, his friend since… a very long time ago.

He wouldn’t let it continue, but even as he said that, he was so reluctant to let go of what he had.

He hadn’t felt this way in so long, it almost felt wrong to strip himself away again, or so he lied to himself… in all honesty, he wondered if he would had enough of a sense of self perseverance to actually follow through with that.

Fear and anticipation had drained him of energy, and love had sapped him of all ability to move, so without putting up much of a fight, Miwa resigned himself to a restless sleep full of nightmares.

…

He was woken with a steady and heavy knock on his door. Miwa sat up sweating, sleep tugged down his tired eyes, and his mind was replaced with the hollow, ringing sensation that left a dull ache in your head, another damn headache. His eyes were lined with water, and he felt so frightened he couldn’t move. He had another nightmare, and though he couldn’t recall it, something about it weighed heavy on his heart and hands as he tried to stand.

He was about halfway on his feet, when his legs gave way, and he slumped back down on the corner of his mattress, wiping his eyes to be rid of the tears that he didn’t know the reasoning behind.

There was another knock on his door. 

“Miwa?” Yosuke called. “I’m coming in! Your door is unlocked, you should probably fix that…”

Miwa’s heart froze, and a shiver tumbled down his spine. 

“What are you doing here?” He almost called, before Yosuke opened the door to see him. 

He was wearing his stupid headband, as always, and the orange coat from earlier, but in his hands was his scarf. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Yosuke asked him suddenly. “I’m sorry if I scared you, I tried to text you, but you didn’t answer… I was going to just slide this under the door, but you were crying out… I just wanted to make sure you were okay…” He stepped closer, and set the folded scarf by Miwa’s bed. 

“I had to give it back, you let me wear it, but forgot to take it back… I know how important it is to you…”

“Thanks… I’m sorry to bother you…”

“Are you okay though? I didn’t take you as somebody who likes a nap, what’s up?”

Miwa looked away. If he could fool himself, he could fool this dumbass with ease.

“I’m just tired… and stressed, a little overwhelmed, and I haven’t gotten a lot of sleep recently. It’s nothing to worry about…”

Yosuke nodded, then smiled brightly. “Oh, come ‘ere you!”

Miwa put up a hand to stop him from squeezing out his innards with another hug. It must run in the family.

“Not now… please. I don’t want to be touched.”

Yosuke looked confused, but respected it. Yosuke hadn’t seen much of Miwa’s new self. 

“Alright, sorry…”

Miwa looked over at his sister’s old scarf.. He couldn’t believe he had almost left it behind. 

“Thanks for your concern, you can go now.”

“Shuji, are you sure you’re-”

“You can go now.” He repeated, irritation leaking into his voice. 

“Alright then…” Yosuke said standing up to leave.

“My apologies for dropping by so suddenly… Hey, take care of yourself, okay?”

And with that,Yosuke left.

And in a fit of terror, and in a mental state of questioning reality Miwa failed to realized that Yosuke carried a linked string.

Yosuke was reunited with his soul string once more.

…

The next morning was a daze. Miwa had slept off an on, nightmares and bad thoughts tearing the seam of a good rest, making it patchy and uneasy.

His mind was hazy, and he realized how long he must’ve been asleep when he couldn't recall what he had for dinner the previous night. It was a haze, and Miwa wanted to die for what happened with Yosuke in the middle of the night. 

Miwa wanted to forget this ever happened. Maybe cutting Yosuke from his life had been a good idea. He didn’t really care then, or, rather, he tried to not let his mind go there. He packed his things without a second thought. It was a weekend… and Miwa needed to go to Border.

So off he went, and what he found on his way was soul pairings that made him give a slight smile. He finally bumped into somebody he was looking for, and as casually as he could, grabbed their soul string. 

A thick, ribbony black one, tied to their right middle finger, the same size and texture... It was practically Narasaka’s string, but black… the opposition in view that he was looking for.

Once Miwa was sure he was alone, he tied together the strings of Narasaka and Touma.

He was positive that this would work very well, and that he’d be seeing results in no time at all.

Once he got in the Miwa squad room, however, he saw Kodera trying to lift one of the remaining boxes, and he beamed at the sight of his string.

He had to bite once again at his cheek to stop himself from asking how it went. Kodera’s string was noticeably thicker, which was a promising sign.

Instead he said “You look chipper today, what’s happening?”

Kodera looked up at him, his most rare emotion, pride, welling in his eyes.

“Miwa, I actually did it! I manned up, I don’t know how, but I actually found it in me to visit Usami!”

He grinned widely and showed him the book he was reading. “Usami lent this to me.It’s slightly terrifying,though. It’s a book called ‘animal farm’... It’s an english book about… nevermind, you should read it yourself.”

“I take it it went well?”

Kodera blushed a little, and covered his mouth with his hand. 

“Yes, I got her number, and we talked for hours about… you know, nerdy stuff. I helped her out a little, she really is really, really, busy, and we had red bean pancakes! We traded books, and had tea…”

He trailed off, as if he was worried that he might say to much, and it would all be over. He seemed so happy and excitable, Miwa was almost proud of his shy teammate for bucking up to show up at a girl’s house. 

He was ALMOST proud, but he couldn’t really be, because he had no emotional attachment to Kodera beyond a team member. They weren't ‘friends’ or anything… Miwa wouldn’t let that be.

Kodera seemed satisfied though, maybe this feeling was relief that Kodera would maybe work better today, train harder, have a little more kick in what he did. It was always amazing what love could do to somebody, but Miwa knew he never again would see it in himself. He could manage just fine on his own anyways.

“Thank you Miwa… I don’t think I would’ve been able to do it without you… you know, telling me, you really gave me the excuse and courage I needed to do this!”

“Of course, you can’t wait for life to pass you by… Besides, she’s in love with you.”

“WHAT!? No she’s not! I just… like her, and there is a remote chance that maybe she doesn't hate me!”

“Oh come on, we all can tell… we all know it…”

 

“No, you don’t! Besides, I’m still way too bad for her, I’m just a loser!”

“Oh, shut it.”

“Oh yeah? How’s your love life going with our next member?”

Miwa cringed. “What!?”

Kodera looked scared that maybe he shouldn't've said that.

“Nothing!”

“No, what was it?”

“It’s just that… Narasaka told me-”

“Well you tell Narasaka that he’s full of shit, and should maybe go back to making out with Touma in the corner, where he belongs!” he snapped, anger restored. Kodera shrank away from his gaze, but perked up at that last part.

“Touma?”

Miwa shrugged. “Pretty sure he has a crush on him, but whatever…” Miwa omitted the part that Narasaka hadn’t fallen for him just yet, but give it a day or two with newly tied soul strings, and Miwa could almost guarantee it.

“Anyways, are we going to spend all day gossiping like little school girls?” Miwa asked, crudely pointing to the boxes that had yet to be unloaded. “Is this what Usami would want to find you doing? Talking about love like one of her own kind?”

Kodera looked as if he were set off by that comment, and Miwa regretted it, and Kodera probably was, but he didn’t show it. Instead he just mumbled a low “You can be cruel sometimes… you know that?” under his breath.

Miwa shouldn't have shot him down, but Miwa had done a lot of things that he regretted in his lifetime. Who even cared at this point?

Kodera bowed his head, and helped Miwa unpack the last equipment that they’d be needing.

After working in silence, Kodera asked again.

“Okay, but really, do you like him? If you do, I’d be better to tell us, so that we’d give you some space to work… Besides, you can always trust us… good friends will keep a secret.”

‘We aren't friends’ Miwa wanted to scream, but he knew that Kodera might be crushed if he did, so he only held the silence, unsure of what to answer.

Did he like Yosuke? 

Miwa didn’t really know, but he knew that whether romantic or not, he cared about him too much.

He had been a little shaky all morning, and Kodera pressing him with the question didn’t help his case.

…

“Miwa?”

…

“Okay then. Glad I asked…”

Miwa wasn’t about to give Kodera the satisfaction of an answer, much less if he didn’t have it himself. 

They had lunch in a state of tranquility, and afterwards, Kodera attempted small talk, which he seemed to be very well versed in.

Miwa hardly obliged, but after a few minutes, Narasaka joined them.

“Sorry for coming late, there was a sniper practice that I couldn’t miss… let's finish this unboxing, shall we?”

“How was it?” Miwa asked, losing patience with Kodera’s timidity and low self worth. 

“It was great… Touma actually made it for once, that was a change.”

Miwa gave Kodera a look as if to say “I told you so.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there” Kodera said, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “What did I miss?”

Narasaka shrugged. “Nothing really, you’re a good sniper, you could afford to miss it…”

“Why was it so important then?” Miwa inquired. 

Narasaka froze, a slight blush creeping onto his face.

“I-It uh…” He fumbled.

“So, how were you and Touma?” Miwa inserted, cruelly. 

“I mean, I was-”

 

Miwa may have been imagining it, but it looked like Narasaka’s string was a little thicker. Over time, once you knew your soulmate well, it would stop growing, but with the first signs of a crush, the first kiss, that all increased the width of the string notably.

Narasaka fell quiet, and he didn’t dare speak. 

Miwa was careful to not push Narasaka as far as he did Kodera, but there was a certain twisted joy from pressing him close to the breaking point. A bully’s logic maybe.

“I just… had to go…”

“Well look who’s gayer than a rainbow…” Miwa smiled. “You hypocrite.”

Narasaka could feel the tension in the room, and he didn’t dare to back talk Miwa, so he just grinned and bore it. Miwa wished Kodera could do the same.

Narasaka seemingly saw no point in denying it, and Miwa was surprised how quick he was to let them draw such a lowly conclusion. 

Narasaka had a lot of pride, they knew, so to see him resign to such a frankly embarrassing truth… it was a little hard to swallow… though Miwa felt as if maybe that was just a result of either shock, or lovesickness… it seemed as if everybody was shaping up to the best days in their lives, or some horrible wreck.

Miwa had forgotten how love worked, and only associated it with pain, and nothing else, so maybe his judgement was lacking on that front. Though, was he really that far from the truth?

It’s not as if it mattered. 

…

It was another hour before they finished unloading. 

It really was tense, kinda uncomfortable, in all honesty. 

Once Kodera believed they were done, he scrambled out the door, whipping out his phone, and Miwa could only assume who he was texting.

Narasaka quietly then turned to him.

“Miwa, may I have a word?”

“Who’s stopping you?”

“Er.. yes…”

“Well, come on, I haven't all day…”

“Well, you see… I was talking to one of my friends the other day… and he told me that my soul string was tied to something, not another string, but somebody looking for one…”

Miwa swallowed down an icy chunk in his throat. ‘Damn it…’

“I thought you didn't believe in it… what’s your point?”

 

“I told you that I don’t think my friend would lie to me either. So, they proved it to me by consistently identifying a stranger’s string… so I have to ask…”

“What?” Miwa growled. He hated lying. 

“Did you connect me to Touma? Are you an alterer?”

Miwa shrugged. “I personally would take a rain check on that question, if I were you… I feel as if I’m the least qualified person on the planet to have such an ability.”

Narasaka gave him an indifferent glance. “Then why were you so curious yesterday? Besides, you seemed too fast to call me out today…”

Miwa snorted. “Okay, but how long have you really had a crush on him? Opposites attract you know… besides, It’s not as if you two are even connected to begin with, what makes you think that suddenly you’re tied to him? Also, even if you're connected now, I don’t think you fell for him overnight...”

“Miwa, you’re being indirect.” Narasaka frowned, not buying his uncharacteristic roundabout answer.

“I can feel it… I got to Border, and I saw him, and I just… knew. I could feel a difference… And I just… hope he felt the same. It’s… a little powerful, it’s kind of scary. Besides, I don’t know who else it could be… And I feel like you would be very responsible with the strings…”

“Well, I can’t alter them!” Miwa screamed.

…

Narasaka stopped dead.

“Miwa-”

“I can’t and you should stop being so damn nosy!” Miwa bit down at his tongue to forcefully stop himself from continuing. He was feeling both very stressed and very pressured. He knew he was going to hit his boiling point, but he knew it would be ugly, and didn’t want the others around for it. 

Unfortunately, Narasaka was more strong willed than Kodera.

“Miwa, Don’t deny it! I know you connected us! Own up to it, It’s great for me, I’m happy, but why are you so angry? I can only assume you're connected to Yosuke now!”

“I’m NOT CONNECTED TO YOSUKE!” He cried, almost wailing, before at long last…

He snapped.

“I cut my string with him, don’t you understand?! I'LL NEVER BE WITH HIM! I WON'T LET MYSELF BE! IT'S USELESS, I’M NEVER GOING TO RISK LOVE EVER AGAIN! LOVE IS WHAT TORE ME APART AND I’M SMART ENOUGH TO PROTECT MYSELF. I’M NOT A FOOL. IT’S DISRESPECTFUL TO ME AND MY SISTER IF I EVER THOUGHT ABOUT MAKING A SUBSTITUTION. MY SISTER MADE ME PROMISE TO NEVER CUT AN ORIGINAL STRING, BUT MINE WAS ORIGINAL, So I had to wait and hoped I would never see them…”

Miwa was gasping for air, and Narasaka stood there, as if he wasn’t comprehending any of this. 

“I found it was Yosuke… and I had to cut it. I was already falling for him, I’m STILL IN LOVE. I can’t stop it! I can’t control it! It was a mistake signing up for Border, if I hadn’t, then I would stay safe, I would be fine. I cut the string two days ago, okay? But I still love him, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me! I miss him already, I miss him so much, I just want him to be with me every step of the way, and It’ll never happen…”

Miwa was almost crying, but he forced it down before he finished his outburst with a small:

“I don’t want somebody to leave me again…”

“Miwa I-”

“I made him leave me… It’s over… I have to say goodbye twice...”

Miwa had shut his eyes to block out the world, when he felt arms wrapping around him.

“Don’t touch me.” He growled at Narasaka, they couldn’t be friends, only team mates, ‘friends’ would imply that they had some connection that didn’t concern business… some attachment. 

He didn’t move.

“I said let GO OF ME!” He cried.

“I’m never leaving you.” Yosuke said, roughly, grip tightening.

“I am never leaving you again.” 

Miwa wanted to wake up.

But Yosuke’s touch and feeling ensured him this was reality.

He tried to speak, but no words were formed, his head has being pressed into Yosuke’s neck and chest. 

Miwa assumed that he had heard everything.

“I was wrong to leave you the first time… please forgive me…”

Miwa found his hands resting on Yosuke’s waist, his fingers sinking into the soft fabric of his shirt. Yosuke’s hand a hand wrapped back around his whole waist, and a hand that came under his arm, and into his hair, rubbing the back of his neck in strokes… petting him, and feeling the spot where the nape met his hair.

“I never want you to feel scared, or alone ever again… I’m right here… I’m not going to hurt you, never….”

Miwa drew a trembling breath as his mind reeled to figure what was happening. Yosuke felt it, and he grabbed tighter at him. 

“It’s okay to be afraid, I understand, but you can’t run away from me, I’m not going to let you… why are you fighting this? You used to be so strong… so brave, so courageous… where did that go?”

“I’m not strong anymore.” Miwa whimpered. “That was a long time ago.”

“I was only three years, and I’ve seen the old you… It’s still in there.”

…

“Shh…” Yosuke hushed his quietly as a few tears sprung from Miwa’s eyes… not many, but enough. 

“Don’t cry… I’m right here, we’re in this together… I love you so much, I’m not so much as letting you out of my sight… I’m here to protect you, to keep you safe.”

Miwa let his head roll forward, so that his forehead leaned on his chest, his tears falling to the ground.

“I can’t love…”

Yosuke began to rub his hair from side to side, fingers brushing through it. 

“Miwa, the way you just acted, I’d say you love a lot of people, and don’t want to admit it. And that’s okay… we can work on this together…”

 

Yosuke began to rock to and fro, gentle and subtle.

“I knew that you were the one who cut our string… I can see them too… but if you hated me so much, I was going to respect that choice, but there’s no way I’m letting you escape with an excuse like that.”

“I can’t risk loving you!” Miwa sobbed, trying to push him away, only he failed, and ended up even deeper in Yosuke’s arms. 

“You already do love me, by the sounds of it.” Yosuke smiled. “You just won’t accept it.”

“I can’t!”

Yosuke released him, but caught his jaw in one hand before he could run. 

Yosuke’s course grip held him in place, before he leaned in, and Miwa wanted to cry even more.

Yosuke was kissing him. 

His lips were warm, and soft. They couldn’t hurt anything if they tried, and they wouldn’t try.

Miwa couldn’t catch his breath, the smooth surface running passed him was so perfect… he wanted to feel it again and again, more and more, and suddenly, he was helpless.

Yosuke pulled away, and enclosed him once more. Miwa tried to dry his tears, and Miwa could hear Yosuke hear and he pressed his ears up against him.

“How was that? Are you going to believe me now?”

Miwa shrunk down. 

“Won’t it hurt to go? It will hurt so badly, I still can’t…” But his words ran hollow. He felt love seeping into him, and he didn’t have the courage to really say ‘no’.

“I’ll never, ever hurt you, I promise… I’ll outlive you, I’ll protect you, I’ll keep you safe. I want you here, with me, no matter what… The strings seem to agree…”

Miwa looked down at his finger, and he saw his string, shorter than ever before, tied with Yosuke, seamlessly. There wasn’t any knot, It was as if the strings had never been apart.

“How did you…”

“It turns out the strings reconnect themselves if an original string is cut, and not attached to something else fast enough… I woke up, and saw it happen.”

Miwa smiled. A real, genuine smile. “I guess I can’t fight fate…”

 

“Are you sure you can protect me?”

“Of course… I’ll protect you by protecting myself, that’s what you want, is it not?”

Miwa nodded. “But how do I know that you’ll-”

“Shh…” Yosuke placed a careful finger to his lips.

“I’m like you, I’d rather die than break a promise…”

“...”

“Well, not die, but…”

Miwa huffed a small chuckle. “I know…”

“And I promise you that you’ll be safe, and you’ll never get that hurt again… I’m also not going to let anything affect you like that, not a second time… I just regret leaving you alone the first time, and I also promise that that’ll never happen again. Can you trust me?”

Miwa didn’t want to, he felt as if he was a fool for even considering this. This would end badly he knew… But he needed to feel him. He needed to feel Yosuke pressed up to him, kissing him, being there, no matter what. He had to, it seemed as if he wanted another choice, but there was none, and reluctantly, he nodded.

Yosuke just smiled, and nodded.

“I’m never going to let this string disconnect… not ever.”


	6. The Silence In Your Wake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday Yosuke! Happy birthday to my favorite boy!
> 
> ...
> 
> This wasn't meant to be a birthday fic, but as I wrote it just kinda happened.

Silence.

It was so pure, so uninterrupted.

Miwa was known for his silences, it's just... what he did. Which, he realized quickly, was not the greatest thing in the world to be known for, but at that stage, he was in too deep, and nothing could be done.

A silence could mean anything and everything from him… he was very confusing in that way. 

If he was silent it very well could mean that he was content, but it could also mean he was increasingly frustrated. He fell silent when confused, but did the same to show his understanding. He would keep the quiet nature to show his agreement with something, but a silence was how he greeted somebody with opposing views.

Miwa loved the silence… but felt he was not loved for the silence.

They were so clean and uncorrupted by petty squabbles or anything else somebody might say to fill or break such perfection.

Silences, Miwa noticed, were good for filtering out the best of people.

When you become known for silences, everything you do, and everything you don't do during that blessed time of quiet is open to interpretation. It made it so that the only people that could stand the silence that Miwa always created were the people Miwa would work well with. Calm, collected, clever, or optimistic people.

His silences also shielded him from the world, an invisible barricade to save him from putting effort into social drabbles. Miwa hid behind his silences like a scared, abandon, street dog that had been kicked too much would hide behind a cardboard box.

He was the one that would walk through HQ and leave everybody a little more quiet in his wake. He was known for his seriousness, his silence, his hard work, his talent, his poker face, and his social ineptness. Everybody, himself included knew who he was, and it was good that way.

Until, It wasn't.

Then came along a certain carefree character, that would crush every little thing Miwa thought he knew about himself. He was an unexpected, unlikely man to take that role, but Miwa could never really be 'himself' with him around.

Yosuke Yoneya.

It still bothered him, how this crazy, irresponsible, hyperactive boy could somehow catch his eye for more than a mere moment. He was nothing special. He was just some noisy, loud mouth boy his age.

Yosuke seemingly lived to coax out Miwa from his never ending silence. And whether it was his playful attitude, Careless self, or his curious questions that made Miwa elaborate and talk, he may never know.

Yosuke was somebody that Miwa had always thought highly of, for self-indulgent reasons and otherwise.

There was just something so striking and unmistakeable about Yosuke. Maybe Miwa just loved the way he would improve everybody's day, leaving everybody better than he found them, instead of quieter, like he would.

The first time Miwa met Yosuke, he had left with a smile, the second time he chuckled once or twice, and it didn't take long before Yosuke did something that nobody else had done in years. Miwa had laughed. That, in itself, is something to be impressed by. Miwa found himself become fascinated by both his stories and charms, but with the idea that maybe, somehow this kid was different. It was cliche, he knew all too well, but he loved it. He loved having somebody new and different.

Occasionally, he would make jokes at bad times, and he was still reckless and shortsighted, but Miwa loved that too, in a way.

A very, odd, unwanted way.

Something about that idiot made Miwa feel as if Yosuke threw every negative thing out of a window, closed it, and never brought it back up.

Miwa thought of Yosuke on a completely different level than anybody else, and he denied the reason as to why for quite some time. Unfortunately, the feelings only grew, and Yosuke never failed to help those feelings manifest into an ugly truth.

After a few months, it became agonizingly undeniable.

Against all of his judgment, all of the hard lessons he learned about how painful love could be, against his will, it was so clear.

Shuji Miwa had developed a crush on Yosuke Yoneya.

He had no clue how Yosuke of all people had grabbed his heart's attention so, but it was beyond the point of return.

It was the only time his silence had failed to shield him.

His silence wouldn't last against Yosuke, Yosuke made sure to remove the only barrier preventing affection to seep through Miwa.

And Miwa began to use his silences.

He used them for the most trivial of things. He hated using the silence, but something inside him couldn't resist thinking Yosuke during every elongated period of quiet.

Yosuke and his silence...

That was the answer he was looking for, or was going to get, in all honesty.

Unless he ever worked up the courage to confess his feelings out loud, silence would be the answer he got. A silence that HE got to interpret now, in his own negative and twisted ways.

Almost all of his question were answered in that fashion. Silence.

Unlucky for him, associating his everlasting tranquility with his crippling loneliness was a very bad mistake.

And now, he was caught.

After another few months, his state became unbearable.

He would HAVE to come clean.

There was no other option.

He started to look for the prime opportunity, something that would make the whole thing easier to swallow.

Yosuke didn't deserve this, so the least he could do was find a way to make it go down better.

A significant day.

November 29th.

Yosuke's birthday.

Miwa had promised himself time and time again that this was it.

This was the span of 24 hours when he would confess to Yosuke.

It alone was a difficult reality to accept, a difficult decision to uphold.

It was more of a commitment, really.

Even now, Miwa debated cowering in fear behind a silence. Nobody would ever know that the day could've gone very differently if he did.

But Miwa wanted to keep the pride he had in his mental fortitude. Not only that, but he knew that if he didn't do it now, he probably never would.

He entered the operation room at around 10:15.

He knew Kodrea and Narusaka would have arrived before him, but would before their daily coffee and tea break at the moment, in the lobby. Just like any day...

He wished...

Today, however, Miwa noticed the moment he set foot in the room, The sniper dou hadn't had an early morning practice, but instead used the time to completely deck out the operation room.

Already, he became slightly intimidated of the brightly colored balloons and shining posters spelling it out in bold, reminding him of his fate, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOSUKE"

The petty decor also improves his mood at the same time. It was nice to know how much others also cared for Yosuke.

It was pretty well thought out and clearly assembled with care. There was even a pile of sweets, ranging from cupcakes to candy bars and cookies piled on a side table. Admittedly, he had contributed to this. He had baked some Muffins and made some fruit tarts, the ones his mother used to make him. He assumed that Midorikawa and Izumi may have helped with the whole thing, and wouldn't put it past some of Yosuke's other friends to pitch in too. Even now, he saw some pastries that four eyes must have baked.

Seeing all of this, Miwa convinced himself that he would have to grin and bear his predetermined fate. Miwa was good for a great many things, But faking a smile wasn't one of them. He would have to try, at least.

He noticed some gifts stacked in the corner, as well. All the wrapping paper was perfect, and happy. How Yosuke's day should be.

With his own interference, though, Miwa knew it wouldn't turn out like that at all.

Miwa was soon greeted by the one he was waiting for.

The door slid open, and there, in his iconic, relaxed, slightly hunched posture stood Yosuke.

He was grinning in that... Yosuke fashion.

It too took him mere moments to notice the neon storm that had dominated the room.

"WOAH!? What happened in here?" His voice brimmed with surprise and happiness.

"You did..." Miwa replied, Attempting to smile. It was easier than he expected it to be, Then again, the certain somebody who just entered the room did always seem to make everything simple and easy.

"Happy birthday."

"Geeze! You guys really didn't have to do all of this! Thanks. Thank you so much..."

Yosuke's smile was always so persistent and genuine. Neither of which he could say for his own.

"It's your day..."

Miwa didn't even know what he was doing at this point. So much was happening in his head, he wasn't even sure he said that out loud or not.

"Aww, Really... you guys are the best."

"Well, you're worth it to us..."

Miwa felt the urge to scream his confession at the top of his lungs then and there, yet at the same time never wanted to confess ever.

"Honestly, remind me why I'm so important again?"

"Because you always remind others of the same thing. You let us feel important, and you improve everybody's mood, and performance. You also kick ass on the field."

Yosuke only smiled. "I'm pretty sure I'm just stupid in battle, and you all just don't notice how wonderful you are. Thanks though."

"Happy birthday Yosuke!"

Miwa's eyes fell on Kodera and Narasaka, steaming drinks in hand.

"Hey, guys! Thank you so much for this! You honestly didn't have to do anything!"

"Well, of course we did Yoneya!" Korea smiled. "It's not every day you turn 19! Besides, you're one of us, you would have done the same!"

Yosuke sighed. "I would have..."

Miwa looked up to Narasaka. "So... when are all the others arriving...?" He asked, throat in knots. This crushing pressure coupled with all his nerves, he wasn't feeling very social.

"Ahh, yes, well-"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOYAN!"

"Happy birthday, you spear happy idiot."

Miwa's heart dropped at the sight of the two figures in the open doorway. The 'party' started now.

He wished this could've happened after he did his... ...thing. Now his anxiety and social anxiety were piling up, and he was unsure how long he could last like this.

"Hey, guys!" Yosuke grinned at Izumi and Midorikawa. "Thank you all so much for this!" 

"Of course! You did the same for me, like legit a month ago..." Izumi pointed out. 

"Well, yeah, but still, you didn't have to.."

Emotions began to grip at his neck, suffocating him, and clogging his words. Miwa didn't have it in himself to keep listing.

It made him sick.

Now, Miwa did like Izumi. He was nice and funny, but Miwa always felt a lowly crawling beneath his skin whenever Izumi hung around Yosuke. And Miwa knew the weighty feeling of envy like he knew the back of his hand. Yet, this was envy on a whole new level. It was a new overprotective feeling. Kind of... possessive. It was almost like Miwa thought Yosuke didn't have the right to hang out with his best friend. Which was ludicrous and unjust, he knew full and well. However, that thought always left such a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. His best friend...

Miwa, no matter how hard he tried, never seemed to be there for Yosuke the way he was for him. Izumi was there for Yosuke. It was a sour, helpless realization that seemingly increased the distance between them even more, widespread and unreachable. Were Miwa now stood, it was desolate and hopeless. More desperate.

More people arrived.

Tachikawa and Yuu dropped by, as did the Azuma squad. The Arashiyama squad showed up as well, adding more cookies, from all of them to the mountain of sweets. Miwa felt his throat tighten more and more with everybody who entered.

Two,two more, two more than that, four more, plus five more...

He almost choked.

It had only been 20 or so minutes, and Miwa knew this wouldn't be possible. He hadn't moved from his spot on the sofa yet. Nobody had come to say hi, nobody had noticed him even, thankfully.

He can do this, he could do it, he could do this...

He heard Yosuke laugh.

It was so warm and genuine, welcoming, and lovely. Miwa wanted to crawl into his arms and never leave then and there. He hated that. But seriously, Yosuke's arms looked so damn reassuring, loving and comfortable. He really hated that.

He was laughing with Izumi.

Maybe he was better for him. Not like it mattered.

"Fuck it."

Midorikawa, too, was in toe with them. "Oh! Jin's gonna come with the Tamakoma 2 in a minute! I don't think Yuma's ever been to a real birthday party!"

Miwa's stomach twisted.

Not the neighbor and his damn posse.

He sat in a blunt shock and rising dread, as suddenly, he had to go.

He couldn't handle this.

He was just about to stand and walk out, excuse himself if anybody asked, when Yosuke came up to him, a conflicting concerned smile spreading across their face.

Miwa looked up at him, he imagined he may look like a traumatized helpless dog, but he tried to cover up. Faking a smile still wasn't his strong suit.

"Hey, Shuji, are you okay?"

Miwa shivered. Don't even get him started on the sensations he felt bursting from his chest when Yosuke said his first name like that, all soft and careful. When Yosuke said his name, Miwa was always far too caught up in Yosuke himself. Looking, guiltily, at his broad shoulders, his neck, his jaw, his eyes, and admittedly... his lips. Miwa was so used to this, that he didn't even bother to kick himself.

He just hated himself slightly more.

Yosuke was Miwa's definition of perfection. Such a sweetie, and DAMN IT. When the hell did he become some love-struck schoolgirl? He remembered Jin seeing it in the future yesterday, then testing Miwa for it. "It happens to the best of us" He would say. Miwa wanted to bash in that fuckers sorry skull. He just walked in like he owned the place, and told Miwa that he knew everything, made fun of him and left. Jin didn't realize how badly his playful jabs hurt Miwa. Because it wasn't something Miwa wanted to have to deal with, and it made him feel awful. Make his day that much worse. Miwa was secretly hoping the neighbor boy would kill Jin in his sleep one day.

"Shuji? Hey, you with me?"

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine, I, Uh... Just tired."

Yosuke's eyes, so clear and smooth, saw the evident lie in that. Or at least, knew that sleep deprivation wasn't his only issue.

"I may need to step out for a moment..."

"Oh... Okay then. Too many people here?"

Yosuke knew him too well.

"Uh, Something like that, yeah."

"Here, can we go on a walk together?"

Miwa nearly dismissed the offer as his own fantasy.

"What?"

"Can I join you?"

But no, there it was again.

"Don't you have a party to be at?"

"I can spare a few minutes, besides, I want to talk with you. And I always love going on our walks."

Yes, it was true, the two of them would often go on walks on weekends, wandering the streets of Mikado, searching for something new. They would never lose sight of the base, so they would never really get lost. But today? Right now?

"Well, I think you should stay... you'll be missed."

"Well, I would miss you. Please?"

Miwa still didn't want Yosuke to come.

"Are you sure?" 

'If he comes now I'll have to...'

"Yes, let's go."

Miraculously, the two of them slid out, temporarily unnoticed. They silenced their phones, ready to have nothing but themselves, and their street smarts.

Jin passed them on the way out, however, with the bloody half neighbor squad following him obediently.

Jin winked at Miwa as if to say "I know what's gonna happen" And Miwa's nerves rose again, and he walked a little closer to Yosuke, their sides brushing.

"Hey, I know you don't like Jin..." Yosuke frowned as Miwa stood closer, "But I promise you that nothing bad will ever happen to you because of him. He won't hurt you..."

Miwa felt Yosuke's hand.

In his own.

Miwa bit his tongue hard, feet shuffling, mind weary. Yosuke had taken the time to notice his reaction to Jin, to go on a walk with him, to hold his damn hand...

It took a moment to process that.

Yosuke Yoneya was holding his hand.

"I promise you, It'll be okay."

And they stepped out the door.

_________

Miwa wasn't ready for this.

Yosuke doesn't release his hand.

HIs firm grip, fingers confidently wrapping around his own, the feeling of his smooth palm brushing against his was enough to make his knees weak.

Miwa really didn't account for this.

Every fiber of Miwa was joining together in a huge, collective effort to NOT BLOW IT NOW.

He probably should've thought this through more.

For a moment, Miwa was scared that Yosuke may hear his heart, which thudded in his chest, fleeting and forceful.

This was it. This was his chance, he had to do it now. There was nowhere to run, no silence that he would hide behind. He had to. This was his chance.

That didn't mean he was necessarily keen on taking it.

The streets were of a more chilly nature. It was packed with people, all in sweaters and hats, mingling amongst the multi-colored leaves and rough breezes. That oddly distinct smell of Autumn was in the air, and Miwa almost smiled as they passed the final farmers market of the season. Almost.

As they deactivated their triggers, however, Miwa saw Yosuke in a short-sleeved, baggy, Yellow t-shirt.

Miwa saw the little goose bumps that appeared on Yosuke's arms as they walked through the cold weather. However, Yosuke didn't say anything, in fact, they hadn't said a word since they left.

They just held hands, and silently walked through the streets.

And Miwa decided to start this confession slowly, by helping.

But, he couldn't break the silence.

Miwa gingerly took his free hand and unraveled his sister's scarf from its ever-present place around his neck. And in a rush of adrenaline, Miwa carefully placed it on Yosuke, never stopping his strides or letting go of his hand.

Yosuke turned to him, shocked, and Miwa felt himself begin to grow shaky. He prayed that the slight tremble would remain unnoticed.

This was going to be a disaster.

"Hey, are you sure about this?" Yosuke asked.

"... 'bout what?" Miwa muttered his words so damn near silent that it was a wonder he didn't have to repeat himself.

"Well, this is your sisters..."

"You look good in it."

"Really?"

Miwa just nodded and held the hand that he had clasped in his own slightly tighter.

"Thanks, It means a lot, I know how important it is to you."

"..."

More silence.

The sound of their footsteps echoed across the trees, and flat grayed sidewalk.

"You know, you may not believe this, but Shuji, you are a wonderful person and you really should think more of yourself. You're really sweet..."

Miwa stopped dead in his tracks.

Yosuke stopped with him.

"..."

"What? I'm serious!"

"..."

"Shuji...?"

"..."

"Hey... what's wrong?"

"..."

"Did I offend you in some way...?"

"..."

"Look, I really do care about you, you know that?"

"..."

"..."

"... ...why?"

"What?"

"Why do you care about me so much?"

Their hands dropped, and Miwa suddenly felt a cold wind tickle his fingertips.

"Shuji, I-"

"Why the hell do you care so much?! I don't understand! I've been a terrible friend to you, and a terrible person, always has been, so why the fuck do you care about a piece of shit like me?!"

"Because you're not." Yosuke asserted, defiantly.

"Because you are not a terrible person and I'm not allowing you to think that you are."

"But I-"

"No, Shuji. You are an amazing person and you better fucking believe it. You don't need to be the best all the time, or have all the friends, or have a side effect or whatever to be a stunning individual."

"Yosuke-"

"There is nothing you could do or say now that would change my mind."

...

'...'

"..."

"I love you."

...

'...'

"..."

"..."

'...'

...

"Shuji, I-"

"RUN!" cried a voice in his head.

He had messed up. He had messed this up so badly. "It was over..."

Mission accomplished: Ruining Yosuke's day and eternal impression of you.

Miwa would probably be without a squad for a long while now.

He ran.

"I..."

He ran as fast as he could.

"Suji! WAIT!"

He wouldn't.

Yosuke ran after him.

"Suji NO!"

There was silence.

Miwa saw the whole moment played in slow motion almost.

He saw the headlights too late.

He saw the road he stood in half way across.

He felt Yosuke, shoving him forwards, out of the way.

He saw the car that would've killed him.

Instead, he only heard the sickening crunch, as Yosuke splayed across the street.

He was thrown like a rag doll, and a small yelp of pain came before the impact.

Yosuke was hit in the side, shoulder down, and his head collided with the road as he was thrown out of the way.

"YOSUKE!"

Silence.

...

People were screaming. The driver had stopped and jumped out of their car.

Yet, it was silent.

Yosuke's head was cracked open, as his head began to bleed.

His knee was bent back, no doubt broken.

and it was all his fault.

He was bleeding heavily from his side.

Yosuke could be dead.

And it was his fault.

He was crying.

It was hazy.

This was happening.

Yosuke saved him.

Sacrificed himself.

He screamed and wished that it was him instead.

Silence held its grip.

There was blood.

Then came the sirens.

It was all silent to him.

Then came a stretcher.

Yet all of this madness was tied together by two factors.

There was Yosuke.

There was silence.

________________________

It was funny how a big day can become memorable for such a different reason.

Silence was everywhere.

Yosuke had thrown himself into a car to shove him out of the way.

For his new enemy, no less... for him.

The doctors hadn't let him in.

Not for hours.

When they did, Miwa's heart seemed to vanish. Wiped away, smudged and blurred by the cold fingers of reality.

This was happening.

His counselor once told him that he was never in denial.

When his sister died, he didn't deny it for a moment.

He didn't deny his rejection as he ran away from Yosuke.

He didn't deny the fact that he may have well just killed his friend.

His love.

Never denying made every tragedy so hard to swallow. Most got over their misfortune by tackling the reality in small pieces, but Miwa never did that.

He would silently choke it whole.

Yosuke was in a regular hospital. Leg raised, shirtless, X-rays already tacked to a bulletin board so that all shifting doctors would be on the same page. 3 Broken ribs, a dislocated hip, from what he could see, and a broken knee. Severe head trauma. Blood loss.

His sides were bandaged where a rib had come through the surface of his skin.

He was so still.

Miwa would think he was already dead.

The doctors told him that he would live.

But, how often would they say that to the family of those who died?

His breathing looked weak. Miwa wouldn't get his hopes up.

Yosuke may die today.

And it was because of him.

THE DAMNED, USELESS, FOOL WHO LOVED HIM.

Miwa sobbed into his hands when he first entered.

All he wanted was an answer that had noise.

Miwa hadn't heard anything since he whispered the words of "I love you."

His answer would remain silent.

All he wanted was to escape his hell.

And all he did was enter another.

A very different hell.

It was 3:46.

Miwa was dehydrated from tears.

He hadn't eaten a thing.

He didn't care.

HE DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING OR ANYBODY ELSE.

He just killed his best friend.

The only one who could break his silences.

It was very possible that he would never hear or speak another word again.

Miwa had taken a seat by his bedside.

He held Yosuke's hand, so carefully. He slid his index finger over Yosuke's wrist, feeling a pulse. Yosuke's hands were cold.

Rushes of desperation, guilt, misery, and numbness flooded down his spine, making him hunch over and cry into his shoulder.

There was a knock on the door.

Opening, it was Izumi.

Miwa couldn't do this.

Izumi, too, was in tears.

The moment his eyes fell on Yosuke, he collapsed against the door frame.

"No..."

Was all Izumi whispered?

"No, no, no, no, no."

He stumbled over to the foot of the bed, to get a better look, only to be more shocked, and desperate.

Miwa wanted him gone.

He had broken his silence.

"What the fuck did you do?!"

Miwa flinched, still crying mercilessly, looking away.

Izumi became cruel and harsh if others were hurt.

Miwa coughed around his tears. His head pounded with a headache, and his eyes ached, his shirt was drenched from wiping away the water.

He couldn't respond.

Yosuke was damn near dead.

Miwa began to accept that tomorrow, there may only be three members on the Miwa squad.

"I asked you... a fucking question," Izumi growled.

Miwa only whimpered, still gripping Yosuke hand pathetically.

It couldn't end here. Not now...

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!"

Miwa only sobbed harder, as Izumi turned to him, ready to slaughter him.

All Izumi wanted was somebody to blame. That's what everybody needed with something like this.

"I-... I-"

Miwa tried to speak, but he was only cut off by more of his relentless crying. with no food and water, he was on the verge of passing out.

Izumi loomed above him.

Miwa missed his cold, lonely silence at times like this.

"THIS IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT!"

Izumi sent a hard, sharp kick to his shin. Miwa cried out in pain, and Izumi did it 4 more times.

He deserved this he knew, with unflinching certainty. It was nothing compared to the pain he had caused Yosuke.

If Yosuke died now, Miwa would most likely end his own life along with it, because he knew that a petty existence of silence would only torture him more.

Then again, he deserved the self-torture too.

"Why do you just stand there like YOU'RE THE VICTIM?!"

"I-Izumi!"

Miwa numbly looked up.

Midorikawa grabbed Izumi's arm, posed to punch him, to stop it.

"W-What are you doing?"

Midorikawa spilled big tears. The kid had probably never had any experience death like this, it must be tearing him apart.

"I'm giving this fucker what he deserves!"

"Izumi! Stop it! Stop it now! I know you're angry, but beating somebody up won't help!"

Miwa looked up at Midorikawa. He drew his finger gently over the back of Yosuke's motionless hand as if to say "You have some damn good friends. One will fight and die for you, the other will hold you together and stay loyal."

"You want to go to little man?!"

"What?!"

Miwa tensed. He knew drivers like this.

"Izumi! NO, I'm not going to fight you! Would Yosuke want us fighting?!"

"I was his best friend, what the hell would you know about him?!"

"I'm both of your friends, Izumi, I know you're upset, but we need to calm down."

"How?! How are you so calm at a time like this! We may never see Yosuke again!"

Silence was absent.

"BOTH OF YOU NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT."

...

"Excuse me?!"

"GET. OUT."

"Why the hell-"

"I LOVED HIM."

Miwa didn't care.

"I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM, AND NOW I'VE FUCKING KILLED HIM! OKAY? GET OUT, GET OUT! NOW! OUT!"

Izumi and Midorikawa looked shocked as Miwa stood, and marched towards them, driving them back, by the door.

"Izumi, if Yosuke dies in there, I will let you take my life. I DON't CARE. I need to be alone with him."

"But, I-"

Miwa slammed the door behind them.

The two of them were gone.

Miwa sat down again, he was in so much pain, it was agony. He clutched Yosuke's hand like it was the only thing keeping him alive.

After what could've been five minutes or an hour, Miwa hugged Yosuke delicately from the side and cried into his bare shoulder.

He whined, and without realizing it, started to plead for him. He begged for him to come back. He whispered his hopes and pathetic requests to somebody who many never hear it again. He begged the gods, or whoever was listening for Yosuke to come back to him.

He would do anything he had to.

If he could go back in time, and be hit instead, he would.

Yosuke was so perfect, so beautiful, so happy, so uplifting, so loving... And he had thrown it all away on somebody who had ruined everything.

His life had no more significance than a penny.

He only brought people down.

He whimpered again and began to beg.

"Please Yosuke, please come back. We need you more than you'll ever know, You keep us together, you keep ME together." He sobbed.

"I don't know what I will do without you. I'll be lost and alone. You were the only person to ever get through to me, and if you go now, nobody ever will again."

...

"Why?"

He sniffed.

"Why would you risk your life to save me?"

...

"I just ruined everything we ever had. I ruined our partnership, our... everything."

"Why would you leave me like this goddamn it?!"

He couldn't feel anything but the tears that streaked down his face.

There was nothing to do.

He couldn't move now.

He hugged Yosuke, leaning into him, one hand meeting his, as the world became a dull, blurry, warped version of itself.

Throat parched, and Head buckling under the force of its throbs, Miwa could no longer hold on, and he fainted.

___________________

The first thing he heard were weighted, distorted voices.

"MIWA! Miwa! Please, for the love of god, please wake up!"

It took a great effort to open his eyes. "Miwa! You're awake! Oh, thank god!"

Korea.

"Miwa... can you hear me?"

Miwa looked up at him. Korea's voice was so barely heard over the blaring noise of silence.

His glasses had been removed, and Miwa could tell that he had been crying by his red, blotched eyes.

Miwa nodded as his eyes flicked around and he remembered where he was.

Narasaka stood by Yosuke's other side, staring down, looking grim.

Miwa couldn't even begin to form his words.

Korea handed him a glass of water, and he remembers that he was just starting to regain consciousness.

"How did you find me...?"

"After Izumi left, we didn't want to go in with you, so when Izumi went in to apologize, he uh, found you out." Narasaka quietly responded, eyes unmoving.

"Miwa, do you hate Izumi now? He really seemed torn apart after what he did... He was crying over you and Yosuke both, he seemed really sorry..."

"Was he?"

Honestly, he didn't care what had happened then, all he cared about was the man who could be dying.

Miwa still hadn't let go of Yosuke's hand.

"How long have I been... out...?

"Well, it's almost 9:00 at night..."

"REALLY?"

The two of them nodded, avoiding eye contact.

"What about Yosuke? What have we heard about him? Is he going to..." Miwa forced the words between the lump in his throat. "Die...?"

At the words, Miwa felt like crying again, but there was no water in his eyes. 

"Die?"

Kodrea looked at him quizzically.

"Which doctor told you that?"

Miwa shivered.

"So..."

Narasaka shook his head, looking at his captain funny. 

"He won't die... He supposedly will wake up in a few hours..."

"Really?"

Kodrea nodded. 

"Were you thinking that he would? Miwa, you need to calm down... It's gonna be okay..."

Narasaka sighed. 

"Miwa, I was just talking with Izumi..." 

"Hmm?"

"You shouldn't blame yourself for any of this. None of this was your fault."

Miwa disagreed but suddenly remembered.

"Is Izumi still here?"

Narasaka raised an eyebrow.

"Izumi? Yeah, he's been waiting outside for hours. I pray that he has been drinking water to, of he's going to end up like you."

"He's waited outside this whole time?"

Kodrea nodded. "He refused to eat, or sleep until Yosuke woke up..."

"Could, you, uh, maybe... let him in?"

Narasaka frowned.

"Are you sure you're okay with that? He did just try to beat you up..." 

"I'm sure."

"Okay then..."

...

There was a moment of silence.

Miwa heard Narasaka open the door, and heard a muttered exchange.

MIwa's gaze didn't shift for Yosuke's resting face. He looked pale, surely, but his pulse seemed slightly stronger.

He wasn't going to die today...

He was going to be okay.

Narasaka came back in, followed by a slouched figure.

Miwa still didn't take more than a glance upwards. His attention was still captivated by his weak team mate, flushed with worry.

But even then, Miwa could tell that Kodrea and Narasaka were right. Izumi shook as he walked, his appearance was one of the most ratted things Miwa had ever seen.

His eyes were still watering, and he shuffles into the room like a criminal would to their execution.

He was sobbing in an irregular fashion, and his words were butchered and broken.

"M-Miwa, I'm- I'm so sorry."

  
  


Miwa nodded. "I Know, I deserved it, it's okay..."

"No, you really didn't... I was just trying to find a way out of this whole mess..."

"I know, it's okay. I forgive you."

Izumi caved in on himself. "I don't know what I was doing."

"I did." Miwa nodded.

"You have never had anybody so close to you die, have you?"

Izumi shook his head sadly.

'That's what I thought...'

Maybe that's another reason why the Tachikawa squad rubbed him the wrong way. They weren't in Kido's faction to kill neighbors, they were here because they were Battle junkies, even though Izumi knew neither of them didn't really know what "Battle" really meant.

"I, uh, I'm sorry I made you leave... I had no right to do that."

"I was prepared to beat you to a bloody pulp. You had a reason."

"No, It wasn't like that at all..."

Silence.

Narasaka and Kodrea stood around uselessly, wondering if this was really resolved. 

Izumi had just tried to beat him, and Miwa gave up so easily? It seemed too simple. 

But Miwa saw and felt Yosuke's hand, and he knew that things could afford to be that simple.

 Time passed in silence. 

Izumi seemed to be feeling better after Miwa forgave him, and at the news that nobody would die today. 

Everybody seemed to relax slightly. 

It was another hour or so In silence. 

It really was getting late.

Izumi was starting to doze off a bit, fighting the urge, but he probably needed it. 

It was an hour of pure silence and Miwa needed it so badly. 

He sat in silence.

Everything for him always unfurled in silence, in the silence.

It took him as long to work up enough courage to speak.

"Narasaka, would you mind taking Kodrea and running down to the lobby to grab Izumi and yourselves something to eat?" 

Izumi glanced over and began to protest, as Miwa knew he would. 

"Actually, I don't-"

"Izumi..." Miwa sighed. This man was in this room, he was going to be treated like one of his own squad.

"You need to try to eat something, or else you're not going to have enough energy when Yosuke wakes up."

Izumi was about to retort when Narasaka stopped him. "Okay, we'll go now. Would you like anything?" He asked, shooting a look at Izumi with Kodrea that just screamed: "Don't argue with him, it's a lost cause."

"I'm fine." 

The snipers bowed their heads and began to leave as Izumi looked indignant. 

"You should have to eat too..." 

"I was unconscious for the majority of today, I couldn't hold anything down."

That wasn't the whole truth, really. He did feel slightly put off, but he really just didn't feel hungry. He assumed that's how everybody felt, but he was kind of selfish in that way.

Miwa let his other hand drift over to meet his other, in Yosuke's, folding his fingers over his. Looking at Yosuke with care.

Izumi, who looked at them, bounced his foot with discomfort.

"So, uh, you really... uh... love him, don't you?"

Miwa's heart seemed to shift. He really should stop taking such bold, drastic actions so spontaneously, like "Reveal to your possible competition your crush." 

Miwa bit his lip. He really should've thought that through, he really hadn't been thinking about the 'What comes next' part of that.

He dodged the question. "You don't beat around the bush, do you?" 

"So, you do?" 

Miwa cringed. Izumi had such a one tracked, focused mind, he really could see how he complemented Yosuke.

"I..." Miwa didn't think about how hard it was to say out loud until he had to.

"Yes, I really do..."

Izumi frowned and put a firm hand on his shoulder. 

"I'm really sorry..."

"It's whatever... It was my fault, right?" he honestly didn't expect this of Izumi. Then again, he didn't think Izumi would try to fight him, hand to hand, either. He was a more complex man than he thought.

"No, it wasn't, I was only angry when I said that, it's a bad habit... I never quite think things through when I'm heightened like that, like less than most people..."

"It's okay, you never had anything like this happen..."

"..."

"..."

Silence.

"Do, uh, you also like Yosuke...?"

Izumi glanced over at the figure in the bed.

"Did I give the impression that I did?"

"... well, I dunno..."

"Well, rest assured, I have my sights on others."

"Are you sure?"

"He's yours for the taking."

  
  


"..."

"Actually, I just wanted to say, that, uh, you'd be real damn cute together."

Miwa fumbled. How was he expected to respond to that? Was it a compliment, a mere observation? Encouragement?

"Uh... Thanks, I guess..."

"I calls 'em as I sees 'em"

"..."

"So, did you tell him?"

"What?"

"Does Yosuke know how you feel?" 

"Er, Yeah, about that..."

"What?"

"I told him, and I ran off, and that's when he got hit by the car..."

Miwa omitted the fact that Yosuke shoved him out of the way. If Yosuke wanted to be seen as a hero, he would tell them after, if he never wanted anything to do with Miwa ever again, then he wouldn't have to.

"Oh, I see... I'm sure he'll wake up shortly, and uh, if he has to let you down, he will let you down as gently as possible. And to make up for the whole 'beat you up thing', I'll be here to talk if you need me to..."

"Thanks." Miwa thanked him gratefully. "It really means a lot to me, you have no idea."

And it was silent for another minute or so, as Miwa's thumb carefully traced circles over the back of Yosuke's hand.

This silence, was the best one yet.

__________________________

It was 11:36 when Yosuke finally woke.

It felt like an eternity.

Miwa knew first, because he felt the hand in his own twitch before Miwa began to call his name, praying.

His eyes opened, dark pools seemingly faded, and groggy with injury and drugged effects.

"Yosuke?" Miwa pleaded. "Yosuke, can you hear me? Are you with us?"

Everybody else held the silence, letting Miwa do all the talking for once. 

"Sh-Shuji?" Yosuke's voice was hoarse and scratchy, No doubt a result of today.

"Is that you...?"

"Yosuke! Oh thank god you're okay...I, I really needed to see you!"

Miwa wrapped Yosuke into a tight hug. He didn't care about his standing now, this may be the last physical contact he gets from Yosuke for the rest of his life, before he remembered what happened, and wanted to never see him again.

"I'm sorry. Yosuke, I am so, so sorry about everything that has happened, I put you in danger, I-"

Miwa wanted to crawl into a hole and die there slowly, as once more he burst into tears. Thankfully, it was less, and for all the right reasons.

"I'm so sorry..."

"Hey! woah, it's okay, if you were to get hit, you would've been killed! I almost got out of the way, so it wasn't too bad, besides, you're more important."

Miwa still only cried, now in Yosuke's arms. And holy hell, Being there was just as loving and as comforting as he had envisioned, even more so... his grip was warm and firm, strong and reliable, yet caring and kind. Soft.

"Hey, hey, no, no, no, shhh, It's okay now, you don't have to cry..."

If Miwa didn't know any better, he would say that Yosuke almost nuzzled his head into his hair. His lips almost brushing Miwa's forehead for a moment.

Miwa also loved that Yosuke didn't have his headband on, and was fixated by the way his hair carelessly fell into messy strands, sweeping along his head.

Miwa tried to take deep breathes, but his breathing hitched, and he couldn't stop.

Yosuke brushed a thumb on his cheeks, smearing the salt water and a futile attempt to rid of it, still trying to calm him in the way you would a child. 

"Hey, calm down, it's all okay, I'm here, I'm alive, we both are, there is no need to cry, I've gotcha..." Yosuke shushed him gently, as he rocked back and forth, Ignoring everybody else in the room. 

A hand began to brush through his hair, and Yosuke paid his dues to the other three thankful people waiting in the room, as Miwa began to tremble, his heart fit to burst open.

Miwa really loved this. Yosuke was alive and didn't mention what happened, seemingly forgot it, and Yosuke held him and practically pet him like a small dog as he talked to the others, never depriving him of affection. BUT NOT LIKE THAT.

"Izumi..."

"Hey, I really hope you're feeling okay..."

"Actually, my leg is aching pretty damn bad, as is my head and sides, but I think I'm still on painkillers, so, I'm alright for now. What time is it? How long did I keep you all waiting?"

"It's almost 11:45," Narasaka responded. "They were, uh, rather eventful... good to have you back."

"Thanks you guys... You too, Kodrea. And, uh, whaddya mean by 'eventful'?"

Izumi bowed his head. 

"I didn't think enough and made an awful mistake, and Miwa cared so much about you that he refused to care for himself."

"What? Shuji...what happened?"

Miwa wanted this to be a silence, but no silence could ever hold against Yosuke. When he got no immediate response, Yosuke added more to the prompt. “Didn't I tell you that you are amazing, and just don't see it? Why are you risking your neck for mine? What did you do?"

Miwa shifted, still swallowing tears. "I fainted from dehydration..."

"What?! Miwa, you are worth ten of me, you shouldn't have done that!"

"WELL YOU'RE WORTH IT TO ME."

...

Silence.

Yosuke stopped running his finger through Miwa's hair and looked at the others.

"Could you maybe give us fifteen minutes?"

Izumi nodded, with a slight smile and the snipers obeyed without question.

"I know I'm slightly delirious from drugs."

Yosuke said, voice barely more than a whisper.

"I need you to forgive me for this."

The door shut.

In one swift motion, it all happened.

Yosuke forcefully pulled Miwa by the hair, and their lips met.

Miwa cried out in shock, but there was only silence left in him.

Yosuke had him in a firm hold and pressed up against him with force. 

He began to tremble as Yosuke began to move his lips, sliding alongside his.

It was the kind of kiss where their lips would pull apart, and come back together in harmony, as if to say, "This is enough, It's all I'll ever need"

Yosuke was kissing him.

Roughly.

Miwa felt himself shaking, as he forced his eyes shut and gave Yosuke some resistance.

They were kissing, they were kissing, they were kissing.

Miwa moved his hands to fit behind his neck, his fingers lacing together to hold position.

This was happening.

It was the greatest silence he has ever had.

Miwa ran his fingers through Yosuke's scruffy hair, Dazed.

Yosuke grunted softly as Miwa pushed his lips into his, hard.

Lips dancing in sync, pushing and pulling, neither of them thought they would ever have the chance to feel such a thing.

Suddenly, Miwa felt a warm, wet bulge enter his mouth. 

Yosuke was taking it this far.

Miwa felt compelled to stop him before they did something they’d regret, but there was almost nothing he could bring himself to do.

Miwa almost gagged. It was so much better than he imagined it. Miwa didn't know how to even comprehend such a situation, every single book he ever read describing what it was like seemed so far off. Yosuke's tongue was so thick and wet. It had no real taste beyond the clear tang of saliva, but so warm, and larger than he thought. So daring and bold, unafraid, and powerful. Still shy and in shock, Yosuke had to carefully coax out his tongue, inexperienced and nervous, before they went all out. The moment Miwa was inside of his jaws, he felt Yosuke's heavy panting, and wriggling tongue, desperately reaching for anything he could get. There was little space, the small space almost entirely filled by their exploring tongues, rubbing against one another, entwining, and pressed up together. Miwa had never thought how large your tongue was in comparison to the rest of your mouth, but such a tight fit between the two of them was more pleasing than he would ever care to admit.

The world was nothing to him beyond the hot, steaming storm that was dripping, stuffy, and contained in his mouth at the moment. Closing your eyes really did make all the difference. The only thing he was focused on now was the drooling feeling of Yosuke in his mouth, swirling against his cheek, drawing over his teeth, swiping past his lips, pushing towards his tongue, all performed in the world dominating small little space of two adjoined mouths, 

  
  


Realizing how far they might’ve taken it, they broke apart.

  
  


“Damn.” Yosuke murmured. “That was totally worth the wait…”

  
  


Miwa shrugged and didn’t contribute to the conversation. He was still somewhere in the starting stages of the realization process.

  
  


“Best birthday ever.”

  
  


“You almost died, you stupid fucking idiot!”

  
  


“Well, you almost died too, I’d call us even. Besides… this was worth it.”

  
  


“Worth risking your life? No Yosuke… no, no it wasn’t.”

  
  


“Aren't you happy for this?”

  
  


Miwa smiled and hugged Yosuke as close as he could without disturbing the medical setup.

  
  


“More happy than you can imagine.”

  
  


“Oh, I can imagine…” Yosuke smiled. “If you’re feeling anything like I am.”

 

Miwa shrugged again and fell into the loving arms of silence.

  
  


The surround sound of empty air filled him up, and Yosuke knew that Miwa would leave a more quiet air behind for the others when they came back in. Because really, who would want to wake him up?

Silence.

 


End file.
